2.5 hours...

October 22, 2007

That was the amount of time I spent in a dentist chair today. Every moment every muscle tensed awaiting that YEEEEOOOOOOCH of metal on nerve. (Insert your shudder here). Good times. (Although since I did not get to the gym this morning I count it as isometric exercise)
What made it even more painful a prospect is that I spent about 8 excruciating hours and hundreds of dollars just last year on the exact same procedure on the exact same tooth, leaving me with a serious distaste for the dentist chair which I had never had before, only to be in discomfort ever since, and then! THEN to discover a couple of weeks ago that the procedure had been most profoundly botched . So much so, that on the photocopy of the x-ray I asked from my new dentist to show the Butcher Dentist, the receptionist could see what a mess had been made. Then I brought it home and my KIDS could see what had gone wrong, without me pointing it out. Nice. Maybe I should have had them take care of it the first time with a a pair of pliers and a wad of play-doh. Probably would have ended up with the same result, just cheaper.
What makes it even more special is that apparently I am one of the "rare 1% of the population" with funky "wiring" in my lower jaw (where conveniently, the offending tooth is located) which means that last year I went through the 8 or so hours of man-handling with exposed nerve without being numbed. EXcellent times. Oh and then the temporary fell off 3 times and I had to stick it on the exposed nerve (how many times can I work "exposed nerve" into blog? Stay tuned-we shall see), with toothpaste before I could get in to have it re-attached until the next time it would fall off.
Let me just point out that I have been through 4 very long labours drug free. I really am not a pain wuss (although I freely admit to being wussy in many other ways), and frankly, I would rather experience all 4 labours again, (INCLUDING transition) then re-live my Little Shop of Horrors experience.
I drove away from my last appointment with the Butcher Dentist, with a very numb yet strangely agonizing mouth, and a very weird hunk of cement in my mouth to keep my toungue entertained, and with my formerly even bite uneven-who wants an even bite anyway-no character in that! And the crown? The permanent one? All I can say is that it roughly resembled a 3 year old's rendition of a dental crown. Seriously.
Other souviniers I left with included a grazed face, cut lip, sores in the mouth and very bruised elbow. (I'm not kidding about the dentist being a butcher, although his assistant made him look positively tender). I also had the rare pleasure of being sick for most of a week from an overdose of novacaine (which as I mentioned, failed to quite reach the spot). I alsoreceived an additional bill to the hefty one I had been quoted, apparently for the enterainment I had received in being treated to many hours of listening to the dentist and his assistant debating the merits of Jenny Garth versus Tori Spelling in every season of Beverly Hills 90210....it got really heated over whether the College years were more compelling then the High School years... Anyway, after all this, I comforted myself with the fact that what does not kill you makes you stronger and I would NEVER have to go through that again. I became a compulsive brusher and flosser and avoider of harmful teeth substances. But as you know, I live in Irony Land. And so surprisingly today I walked into New Dentist's office with some trepidation.
So while I can't say it was exactly fun today, I had the longest shot of Novacaine anyone had ever had, and then a few more to follow... hey, at least they actually did what they were supposed to do!! Frabjous day! My excellent dentist was a man on a mission. He was DETERMINED to numb me into oblivion. And numb me he did, I never did experience theyeeeeouch I was bracing for. He also apologised profusely with every single potentially uncomfortable act he had to inflict , which was really rather sweet and unnecessary of him, and also somewhat in contrast to being grunted at irritably after someone almost shatters your elbow with their chair when they violently shift it whilst trying to lever an ill fitting crown into your rather small mouth with their full (and considerable) body weight. I mean really!  How dare my elbow get in the way like that! I know, I know, I really was so inconsiderate!
Today I did not even mind that Good Dentist's assistant popped off the crown at the last moment with some overenthusiastic last minute flossing and we had to start over. She had nice little fingers and a competent manner and she did not even once drop the crown on the floor and then stick it right back into my mouth or try to sit on my face.
What's more, my crown feels like a tooth. Wow, it's quite uncanny. And it's just a temp! And even more excitingly, I am not cut or bruised or battered and nobody exchanged any Must See TV banter in my presence. It was positively spa-like in comparison.
Anyway, I'm not sure why I am recounting this very un-entertaining and rather cringe-worthy glimpse into my rather mundane day other then to say-hey, face your fears people! If your dentist is too creepy and you leave his/her office with multiple injuries, go right ahead and find another one. You don't have to be nice about stuff like this. Do not stay in an abusive dental relationship! You are special! Your teeth deserve the best! Your dream dentist is out there, I know it...just  dig deep and hold on people! Visualise your happy dental future! Keep the faith, everything is going to be alright.
PS: Floss.
Posted at 11:25 PM | Permalink

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Shame poor baby! You are too funn! Love you and the post.
Posted by: Aaron | October 23, 2007 at 05:24 PM

You might appreciate this:
I'm glad you finally had a "good" experience ;)
Posted by: Jen | October 23, 2007 at 05:44 PM

I'm reading: 2.5 hours...Tweet this!