AFK-Away From Keyboard...

Do the kids still use that acronym? It seems so quaint and geriatric somehow. The last time I used it was back when I tore myself away to change a stinky diaper which, I can happily assure you, was several years ago.

So anyway a couple of days ago my computer entered rehab with a friend of ours who is a computer genius and also an exceptionally kind, generous and patient soul. This good and kind man agreed to take on the evil little monster of mine masquerading itself as a PC. He has taken that piece of crap (and I do not use the term "crap" lightly here folks, it is, in fact a swear word where I come from, just like "damn" and "hell" are not), and tried to make it do things a little faster for me. Like maybe not take 35 minutes to boot up. I feel like I waste 3/4 of my computer time just waiting for things to load and process. It is beyond frustrating to a supremely impatient being such as myself. I did once throw it half way across the room but sadly it landed on a pillow and survived. Dammit.

Our computer angel Craig did in fact perform miracles beyond compare, but has promised that even more speed could be achieved if he were afforded an opportunity to wipe the whole of it's grubby little brain clean so to speak, and start over.

Y'all know how I love me a fresh start so I told him with much delight and joy to take that little demon and exorcise it all he liked. And so my dear husband commenced the laborious task of ensuring that everything on the P-o-C (Piece of Crap)has been backed up before the Great Cleansing.

You may be aware that I like to take a picture or two (or twenty-six hundred thousand) from time to time and store them on my hard-drive. Of course, the PoC has been taking literally days to acquiece to this request we are making of it. So unreasonable we are! So very demanding. Dudes, never get a Dell. Free advice from me to you. You are welcome.

ANYWAY all this, all this, allllllllllll this to say that I have spent my days footloose and PoC free this week. I have access to my husband's laptop when he returns home each evening so I'm not totally cut off from the cyber world. And peeps, I have to say, I like it.

I like it oh so very much. I think I might be in love with this arrangement. I think I want to go out to dinner with it and gaze deeply into it's eyes.

Of course it means that I must stay up 'til unwholesome hours such as these to get my blog written after I have completed by other real computer work. That's a bit of a bummer. But let's be real, I used to stay up too late to blog anyway, so at least now I am getting stuff done in the day. I feel so liberated not having a semi- functioning computer in my house from dawn 'til dusk. No sense of obligation to check my email, or shoot one off while the thought is still in my mind thus entering into the labyrinth of wading through the rest of my in-box and clicking on this and then that and finding myself 35 minutes later dutifully completing a poll on some website which is asking me uncomfortably probing questions about prescription medications, all in the interest of getting a few more points toward a $10 restaurant gift certificate one day.

Without the PoC at my daily disposal, I feel better connected with my children, my housework is kind of sort of getting done even, I remembered to buy toilet paper, and I have already thrown out 3 garbage bags of miscellanous paper products from my tiny office space. (What is it with the paper? It brings new meaning to the name PaperMATE that is for sure. Paper is a highly highly reproductive entity.)

It's a marvel I tell you. I want it to be this way forever. No hurry with that fix, St. Craig.

However, due to the unfortunate fact that my family live in horribly different time zones (my sister in Australia is a full calendar day ahead of me-she gets to tell me if the world still exists on Friday when it is my Thursday-it is very helpful) and the only time I get to Skype with them is during my morning hours which means, there must needs be a computer on the premises during the day after all.

Well darn.

I am an all or nothing chick folks, I may have mentioned that a few hundred times before. Once I'm in, I'm all in, man. This means that once I'm chatting on skype it only makes sense to my addled psyche that I open 30 other tabs and windows and get into all sorts of random projects, 'tis my ADD way. (And then I wonder why my computer peforms slowly.)

Suddenly a simple chat with my family has turned into half the day gone, and my lap is all sweaty and my children are all..."do you remember that time mommy looked us in the eye when we spoke?" to each other.

For someone as unfocused as myself, the no computer thing is much, much better. But not talking to my family? Not acceptable. A conundrum folks. A conundrum I say.

But! There is a solution. A solution that comes to me daily in a blinding flash of inspiration. A solution that has percolated in my mind for 14 years or so...

I need to move closer to my family. Into the same time zone, preferably. The same continent would be even more special.

But of course!

I will get on that first thing in the morning. I encourage you to do the same.

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