An Open Letter to the Public Works Department:

To Whomever Officious Little Soul It May Concern:

I just wanted to express my great appreciation for your diligence and promptness in leaving a two page WARNING MANIFESTO on my front door this morning. Seeing my tax dollars at work in this way stirs something deep within my soul

I am of course, mortified that my huge, unsightly, and very obstructive pile of leaves that were raked up last night at 8pm was discovered by your representatives at 9:20am today.

Exhibit A: Menacing leaf piles clearly blocking the walking path. (Click to view the cut off portion)The one closest to the viewer is actually still sitting in my flower bed. I know. Disgusting.)

I realize how much more offensive my massive and cumbersome pile of leaves must be then the dead raccoon that lay in the middle of the busy main road for all that time. You know the road? The one that my elementary school children cross every day (without the help of a crossing guard or even a painted crosswalk despite multiple passionate petitions)? Yes, that’s the one! The fact that this raccoon became more and more mangled over time- as cars left body parts strewn for my kids to dodge every day on their way to school, is, of course, nowhere near as offensive as my horrible pile of leaves.

The fact that my neighbour's child was hit by a car crossing said main road without a painted crosswalk or a crossing guard on his way home from school, is not nearly as horrible as my hideous pile of leaves. And for this I am truly, truly remorseful.

Exhibit B: (Boy eating leaf pile-click to view the other child in peril.)

Exhibit C: Boy Vs. Leaves. (Boy losing battle)

As I sit here in solemn contrition, my mind wan ders back to the (un-ploughed) ally behind my house. The one in which I am forced to park whenever there is more then 2 inches of snow on the street. The one which you don’t plough. The one that people slide off regularly into the ditch that you have been asked to fill in for oh...a decade now is it?

I fondly remember calling to ask for assistance when my friend, like so many others before her (including my husband earlier in the same week) slid off the un-ploughed ally way and landed in that ditch a month or so ago. Pathetically, she and I and our two five year olds, and the neighbours were unable to get her out of the ditch even after great effort. I’m gratified to note that you did not waste any tax-payer dollars on frivolous chat or niceties that day, no siree! You made sure not to spend more then 25 seconds on the phone with me, insisting repeatedly in a robotic manner, “the city will not assist you"…”the city will not assist you” . I wonder what would happen if I left leaves back there? Perhaps I should fill in the ditch myself….with leaves? Hmmm…'

P.W.D, I have to say you made me feel kind of special today. Almost as if I live in a really snooty place with a overly zealous home owners association on watch. It’s kind of nice, because usually I feel a bit as if I live in a ghetto, what with the lack of crosswalks for small kids going to school, and the sidewalks which are all buckled in a charmingly post-apocalyptic way, making it impossible for kids to ride bikes and scooters, or even run on safely. And you know..the mattresses and other mildewed piles of broken furniture which tend to sit undisturbed on the sidewalk for days and weeks at a time…

But not today! Today we are far too fancy to leave our leaves piled in front of our homes overnight like common peasants. Ooh lala. I almost feel as if I need a butler to announce the mailman. Or maybe the PWD guy next time he comes by.

You know PWD, I used to wonder where my considerable city tax dollars were being used, and now I know, and can I just say that it is truly such a huge relief to know that you are on top of our raging leaf problem.

Keep up the sterling work!

Admiringly,

Kirsty Sayer.

PS: Renewed Props for this incident. And you thought I’d forgotten! You’re so cute!

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