The paralysis of adoration

My mom will not do facebook. Well not on any kind of regular basis anyway. She is defiant regarding facebook. We have had words.  When I ask her why she does not want to keep up with the mundane and menial moment to moment aspects of my life, she asks me why I don’t put them on the blog instead. I have tried to explain that the blog requires more commitment and time than the facebook.  I can easily jot down a thought on facebook, but the blog…..the blog requires editing, photos and prose. It is a project.
Some years ago I stopped checking the reader stats on my blog. For all I know, I get 3 hits a year (and they all are from my mom).  I lost interest in trying to grow my readership. I decided what I wanted my blog to be, and that was a record of my family. I wanted to be able to look back on this day a year from now and remember the feelings, the thoughts and see the amazingly cute and ever changing faces.  And that is what I do. I read my blog every now and again, and I am delighted, and appalled. I am delighted all over again by the things my kids have done which compelled me to record them the first time, and appalled at how much I had COMPLETELY forgotten.
But these days I am not blogging nearly as often as I would like to. I am paralyzed. Why? Because every single day I want to GUSH. Mostly about my baby. I want to gush that right now she is jogging in place with high knees and sparkling eyes in her saucer, and then looking up and catching my eye, and chuckling at how cute and funny she knows she is. I want to tell you about how she tries to get the dog’s attention by “talking” in a really high voice and wagging her head from side to side as she does. (she is five months old! Isn’t that amazing?)  How she smiles even when she is crying. I want to tell how completely magical she is in every way.
I want to talk about how my older kids are even better big brothers and sister than I could have anticipated. How my trying hard to seem jaded 13 year old son lights up like a 6 year old in a candy store every time he sees her.
I want to tell you how endearing my husband is in his own adoration for his baby girl.
But you don’t want to hear that every day. I don’t want to bore you with all of that. I don’t want you to think that I don’t love my older kids passionately too, or that I am not as fascinated in their lives-(it’s just that they don’t do something brand new every day). I don’t want to have to spend the time trying to pick which of the 1,000 practically identical photos will come closest to expressing the cuteness I see (none of them come even a tiny bit close).
And I don’t have time to edit myself, to choose the photos, to make it perfect.  So I’ve been contenting myself with a snippets on facebook. Much to my mother’s chagrin.
But today I remembered. My blog is for me. And for my family. If others enjoy it, I am thrilled but if they don’t, I must be indifferent. So be forewarned. Because I’m going to go back to posting regularly. And right now the parts I want to record about my life are gushy and somewhat repetitive and I would not want to have it any other way.
This is what I was looking at while I wrote this. Can you blame me?
One non baby related snippet: I really love that one of Gracie and Finny's favourite things to do is to play, "Clean Room". They pretend they are from a show which transforms your bedroom from chaotic to clean while you are out. All I have to do is act suitably emotional and hysterical with joy when I am led “blindfolded” to the revealed transformation. They do an amazing job. Our room looks quite sublime (although I'm a bit fearful of what lies within the closets). Benj and Gabe have eagerly signed up for their services and Gracie and Finny are hard and happily at work...
"In every task to be done there is an element of find the fun aaaaand SNAP the job's a game....."

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Big Ugly Man Doll said...

Yep, at some point we all become love-slaves to our blogs and feel like "cheating" on Facebook. Mine can be an albatross. Then, right when I think I'm just tired of it, someone comments about having spit their drink through their nose, and I'm filled with that sense of a job well done. ;-)

So blog what you like! You're clever, we'll keep reading you! And even if you weren't clever (which you are), do you REALLY think your readers can resist The Cuteness that is Ellebeth???

K A B L O O E Y said...

Oh my LORD, that's a face. What a cutie. Nope, don't blame you at all. Also? How much do the kids charge for a room makeover?

Anonymous said...

OhI am so glad that you have come around! The Blog is for posterity - face book as far as I can see causes trouble and sadness! Long may it die!!!!
Re: the second part of your post, I must say that I think that the Clean Room game was motivated by Gracie! Only a woman would be that passionate about order, and smart enough to make a mundane task fun! Hmm, having said that, there is Tom Sawyer, but then he was just trying to get someone to do the job, rather than trying to make it fun for himself. So, yes, I am back to my gender prejudice - only a woman! Well done Gracie. Please tell her from me!

Nicky E said...

I side with your Mom as a defiant non-Facebook-er! Even though I earn a living in the computer industry I won't set foot there. So wanted to let you know I really appreciate the time and effort you put in to post updates!
Lots of love from your cousin Nicky