So. This week went really fast. Why is that? It was lousy weather and it was kind of a tough week but somehow it felt really short. How about for you? Here are some things on my mind.
1.I have felt very unhinged (what’s new?) and have gone to bed twice this week on the verge of a major panic attack. I have various theories about the causes for my unhinged-ness of late, some valid causes, some not so much, but it occurs to me that since I stopped my usual exercise routine in early November, my mental state in general has drastically deteriorated. This should not be a revelation, and it’s not,of course, but I am a bit slow with making connections sometimes, so I thought I’d note it. The lack of exercise was actually Dr. ordered to allow for physical recovery, but I think I might lose the shattered vestiges of my fragile mind if I don’t get back to it in a big bad way, soon. What’s an intact body if you are crazier than a bag of cats? Y’know? Life is full of trade-offs my friends. Exercise is always going to be my salvation and as of tomorrow…exercise I shall….
2.In my ongoing quest for increased authenticity, (how hippy dippy, airy fairy irritatingly new agey, narcissistic introspective ridiculously self important blogger-ish does that sound? I know. Sorry) Anyway…whatevs. I have been thinking a lot about perception vs. reality of late. A lot. Consequently, I’ve been working at getting some of my own long held (and sometimes false) perceptions aired out within some of my relationships. In other words, I have been painfully honest about them. This has not been easy. For one thing it requires complete vulnerability which let’s face it, is not a comfortable or particularly dignified place to be. And for another, it can be pretty brutal for the person who has to hear it, and I don’t particularly relish causing pain for people I care about. But like I said, life is full of trade offs. If you can’t be thick skinned (and it has become painfully apparent that my skin is as thin as rice paper), at least you can be honest and give people the opportunity to correct your perceptions (if they do in fact need to be corrected.) While it can be really painful for the recipient of your “putting it all out there”, I do believe that in the end, it is more fair for them too. Particularly if you have been harbouring seething resentment or even just feeling quietly wounded for any length of time.
A great quote I have read recently is, “to know all is to forgive all”. (Germaine de Stael ) And while I don’t think this is automatically true, I do find that overwhelmingly often, I feel a great deal better after I have allowed others the opportunity to correct my perceptions. I think if you go into the exercise with an honest heart and good intentions, the relationship is generally strengthened in the end.
3. Today I saw a quote that I thought was pretty great, and I took a picture tonight that I thought was pretty great-(are the piggies not to die for?)…so I put them together. The original quote was paired with a perfectly lovely but anonymous little boy... and I figured personalizing it would be a more powerful reminder to me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my impact on the way my kids see themselves lately, and have been so much more aware over the last few hours (since I read this), of my
“voice “when I am speaking to my children and whether I would be happy with it being their inner voice forever more. Needless to say, I have felt the need to become a lot more measured, more careful and more positive when I bear that in mind.
Whew…lighten up already right? It’s Friday tomorrow! Woot!
Three Deepish Thoughts on a Thursday
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4 comments:
I hear ya on the exercise. I've been getting in workouts more regularly recently, but this past week has been tough. Sometimes life gets in the way, you know?
Also, I love that quote and I will try to remember that the next time I'm battling with my 14 year old daughter. Everything is a struggle with her these days, I'm afraid.
FYI, I was going to call you the other night and try to talk you into going to the gym with me, because I had no motivation to go on my own, and you actually like exercising. But then I took a nap instead. I'm already not a very good gym buddy,
I've been telling people recently that I must be getting ready to hibernate for the rest of winter. I find myself constantly eating and then doing absolutely nothing, because I have no motivation to do so.
Thank you for posting that quote. Since you posted it the other day on Facebook I have been thinking about it a lot. It has made me stop each time I am upset with my kids and be able to talk to them positively.
The "To know all is to forgive all" quote is a great favourite of dad's. Must say, I did not always appreciate it when he quoted it to me, but it is good. It goes along with "Some people have no food" when I complain about some circumstance of my life. That one I can say with certainty I positively hate!
Glad for your resolution to get your resentments out there. It is the best way to deal with it. Gives the perpetrator a chance to be aware and self reflective too. BTW, who is "The Sayer Family?" I am confused. I thought you were the Sayers??
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