September Stuff

Hellloooooo! September is here and despite my delusions of preschool induced organizational grandeur  this is the first opportunity I’ve had to blog.

Speaking of preschool…here’s the girl on her big debut day now..

This was the first time I made a crayon teacher vase instead of a pencil vase. It was fun and cute and had to be reassembled twice between front door and school door. We were a *tad* late.  Here’s a tip: put a rubber band UNDER as well as over the crayons, this gives them something to grip on or they will just neatly slide off like a little crayon sleeve (trust me, it happened..twice)

Clearly she was nervous and unsure about school..

 

It’s so cool to have another kid at school with Muss Cindi! Can’t believe it’s been like…a lot of years.

 

So far September has been crazy but never let it be said that I don’t take time to stop and smell the..sunsets. Last night I was on a pilgrimage to BigLots to get coat hangers. When I noticed this little piece of sublime. I pulled into the parking lot  of the school and enjoyed it for a few minutes. I mean come on now. How depressing to think I might have been poring over plastic tube hangers if I had not looked to my right at that stop sign.  When I drove into the parking lot of the store I felt so bad for the people there, knowing what they had missed. Guys! watch more sunsets. I always feel like they are love letters from God.

 

I whine a lot about how having another kid so long after the others has really messed with my mojo but there are perks. Like having another shot at dressing another little girl and finding the perfect matching hair accessory.  If you’re going to be shallow about it.

From my run this morning. Right before i took this shot, I got stung on the BUM by a bee or a wasp or satan himself. I don’t know but it HURT and I took great offense at being attacked from the rear AND in the rear, unarmed and unprovoked WHILST running. It just seems so many different kinds of wrong. However! I resolved not to let it deter me from my run. I went back to my car and got some lavender oil on the posterior area which took the edge off and then I went back to running. I discovered that when I ran faster it hurt less so I ended up having my fastest run in a while. Take that SATAN’S STINGING MINION!!!

This spider is dedicated to its work

A spider mansion. Not even a mcMansion.  All the other spiders are hoping for an invite to this sweet pad.

This didn’t happen in September technically but on Sunday we went to some friend’s house and the kids got to jam a little bit which is pretty much one of my favourite things  of all time, ever…so here’s a pic of that for your viewing pleasure. Also? How handsome are my big boys? 

 

and my smaller boy too…for that matter.. (taken as he was regaling me about some of his september related stuff…)

Oh! And heree are some pretty September clouds reflected in our sweet new ride. Oh we bought a van today.  As one does when one is about to make an international move… (my wrecking of our car was so well timed was it not? Gah).

Speaking of which…I’m pretty sure we have a New Plan regarding Moving To South Africa which I totally plan to update you all on tomorrow so tune in for that…..but right now I have to hit publish and brush people’s teeth and replace the dried out contact lens that popped out of my eye during family prayers and other glamourous and important things like that. Sooooo…happy September. May it be heavy on sublime sunsets and light on satanic stinging events.

This one goes out to my fellow students

Hi guys. What up?
I’ve gone a bit off the grid lately, more on that another time (maybe) but I did want to come out of hibernation briefly to tell my fellow studenty type people about something potentially life changing. Financially that is. Prepared to be amazed and delighted. Trust me.
A while ago  CampusBookRentals.com reached out to me to tell me about their services. Within reading the first couple of lines of their pitch I was sold.  Anyone who figures out a way to save money on hugely expensive textbooks is alright with me, but these guys take it a step further. They have partnered up with the wonderful charity,  Operation Smile and are committed to donating a minimum of 80 life saving cleft lip surgeries this year to children in need.
I don’t do reviews unless I can really get behind what I’m reviewing but this one was a no brainer. Because I’m a student, obviously yes, but also because several people in our family were born with a cleft lip, and are now living normal healthy lives thanks to great medical care which so many kids can’t access. 
Ok so renting textbooks rather than buying? Um,  AWESOME! You’re a student so you’re smart therefore I assume I don’t need to tell you why, but I’m going to anyway. When you rent through Campus Book Rentals you:
-save 40-90% off of bookstore prices
-get free shipping both ways
- choose flexible renting periods
- are part of something wonderfully philanthropic and lifesaving since they donate to Operation Smile with each textbook rented. (Good karma=big bonus).
Here’s another silly to some,  but not silly to me part of this deal I’m loving.  I’m somebody who is obsessed with highlighting-I know, I know it’s not scientifically proven to be helpful and blahblahblah but truly, I cannot comprehend scholarly information without a highlighter in hand, it helps me to focus, no question. Which brings us to a problem with renting. When you’re renting you can’t exactly be highlighting every other word in fluorescent pink, right? Wrong!  CampusBookRentals gets those of us with highlighter fetishes, and they are cool with it. Go ahead and highlight for all they care. Every colour of  the rainbow!
Here’s a cute little video explaining exactly how it works.  I’m sorry but I think this freaking rocks.

But wait it gets EVEN BETTER.  I’m not lying. It does. They have figured out a way so that you, yourself can become a textbook landlord-yes, you can start making money on any textbooks you have already bought by renting them out to other people.  Which means you are making money rather than losing money on those crazy expensive texts. Two to four times as much in fact.  Your textbook-an investment-whoduthunkit?! Can it be true? It’s so true! This dude explains it quite succinctly. My fav part:  “putting the business of textbooks into the hand of students”. YES. Power to the PEOPLE.  Love. Check out Rentback.com

So if you are a student or you know a student or your kid is a student, or you’re thinking of becoming a student, or you just like to reading textbooks by the fire on cold winter’s nights, hit them up.  (If you are a blogger who wants to spread the word, let me know and I’ll connect you guys).
Later, gators.
I was compensated for this post,  as always the opinions I express here and anywhere else for that matter, are always genuine and 100% my very own.

A Fresh New Start

(It sounds better than….
”I can’t believe Summer Break is over and I want to cry about it”)

So yesterday I was actually feeling profoundly depressed and anxious over the fact that school started today. And that the soccer season was upon us. I felt my family that had briefly been where I want it to be (with life simple, unhurried, uncomplicated) spiraling out of control and the things I most love and value ( lots of time with my family all in one room, focus on the truly important aspects of life, and us being in control of our schedule) slipping out of my grasp and I felt like a failure because I had allowed that to happen. I spent a lot of energy fervently wishing I could go back in time and have a redo. Starting with moving to a deserted island or a remote farm and never letting my kids know that organized sports or schools existed.

Basically yesterday I was in the throes of major melodrama and everything was tragic.   I posted a maudlin facebook status update about how school was starting and I could not think of one reason to be happy about that. I spent a considerable amount of time wailing and gnashing my teeth (and feeling on the verge of weeping) leading one of my children to dryly observe that I was “kind of a brat”. I knew it. But I couldn’t stop it.  First world problems if ever there were. “Oh I’m so sad that we are privileged and fortunate enough to be able to provide an education and extracurricular opportunities for our healthy children”. Woe is me. Woe! Yes, I know. Gross. I do blame a lot of it on my extreme fatigue (2 nights of literally no sleep), my health issues and some other major and pervasive stressors that are unrelated to what I was whining about but make everything seem overwhelming. I have been struggling with feeling this way on and off for sometime now. I have been “off” alternating between angry, apathetic, depressed, and anxious for several weeks. 
Anyway. Bygones.

Last night I had to concede that there was one undeniable reason to be happy about Back To School.  Blessings. The night before school starts every year, we gather in our living room together as Aaron gives each of the children (and me) a father’s blessing. The children always seem to anticipate this eagerly and I am so touched by that. And grateful. I love sneaking peeks at their angelic faces as he blesses them. They seem to be listening so intently and to physically relax and become more serene as they listen the comforting promises and counsel. As a mother, I cannot help but soak up this experience with the utmost gratitude. I am so struck by how Ella reacts when she observes someone receiving a blessing. She sits reverently and rapt throughout and watches the proceedings intently. When she receives her blessing –(she was the last to get one), she looks so mature and wise. She gazes steadily ahead with a calm expression on her face.  She doesn’t fidget or even look around. She seems to really be listening and feeling. It’s really quite remarkable and bears testimony to me of the reality of the fact that our souls commune with each other and recognize the spirit, regardless of age or language.)
My blessing was such a comfort to me. I don’t remember many specifics except that I was promised peace…and strength. (Twice).  After the kids went to bed, things started to fall into place for me. I did feel a sense of peace. I knew the things I needed to do to gain more. I knew the things I needed to let go of. I knew that it would take some effort on my part but I had a sense of purpose and action.  I was prompted to spend some time focusing on the scripture and theme I had chosen for our school year during Family Home Evening and so I did.
I love how life works. I had given a lesson on this theme and scripture several weeks ago. It had been very meaningful to me and I was very touched by it.  But the distractions of life had pushed it to the furthest recesses of my mind to the extent that when a friend spoke on Sunday and referenced the lesson I had given and quoted from it. I thought, “wow that is good stuff and it sounds SO familiar. I wonder why?” (I am ashamed and appalled to admit that it took me a few moments  to remember that I’d delivered the message and I actually had to google it to find the references. ) Anyway clearly this message was meant for me because it came to mind after that blessing. Very specifically. I’m grateful God is patient with the vague and forgetful.
Here is our theme:

It is from this lesson and I think you should read it. I really do. Please.
We chose a quote and a scripture as our theme this year.
The quote: “When we seek God’s will, we will follow a course in which there will be no failure”-Lorenzo Snow.
The scripture “If your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light and there shall be no darkness in you. And that body that is filled with light comprehendeth all things”- Doctrine and Covenants 88:67.
I instantly felt the darkness, turmoil and heaviness inside of me dissipate and a sense of purpose and energy replace it.  As I made preparations for our special Back to School breakfast  I find a quiet sense of liberation and strength. I recognized that on this day, my happiness was indeed in my control, and largely determined by the things I chose to spend my mental and emotional energy on. I could continue to lament and fight what was, or I could focus on the great blessings in my life, many of which had come from the things that I was feeling so negative about.  I doubt that this “high” will stay with me for long, and I am realistic about the fact that I do struggle more than many people with physiological issues in keeping my moods balanced, but it has adjusted my thought patterns enough to resolve to change my mindsets and habits in order to move from the high and epiphany to a sustainable place of more peace and serenity.
Alas even though I felt so much better, I was destined to have yet another night sans sleep.That would make it three. Consecutive.  Insomnia man, it’s a mystery. I got no sleep, but I did get my kitchen nice and clean. And strangely enough, I was able to face the day with a much deeper well of patience than I ordinarily possess. I noticed the distinct absence of the lurching, rolling feeling in my stomach I usually have on the first day of school.  I was able to get up early and spend time enjoying each of my kids as individuals before they left for the day. I had a voracious appetite (pancakes, eggs, bacon and strawberries -and I happily partook over the course of all 3 shifts!)
I was able to let go of expectations. And just be.
I was particularly aware of and grateful for the fact that I was able to walk a short distance, in a sunshiny safe neighborhood to accompany our little boy to school. I was filled with joy that he got to walk with his bosom buddy  (who has walked with us since they started kindergarten-they spontaneously posed that way, by the way-sniff) . I felt blessed to be able to walk beside my sweet husband who had made arrangements to go into work late so that he could be with us all for moral support.
(He was carrying a bouquet of flowers for the teacher. Both the thoughtful  idea of a bouquet and the flowers for it were plucked from our kind and lovely neighbourfriend Carolyn and her front yard. With the earnest aid of her adorable little boy. Thank you Carolyn and Carson!)


These sunny sweet boys. Oh how I love them…and oh how they have grown. Sniff.
I enjoyed the teasing banter with my handsome teenager (who told me he loved me when he got out the car, unprompted..with peers in the close vicinity! Who knows who might have heard?!)

and the goofiness of my adorable middles as they giddily anticipated Gracie’s first day of middle school, with Gabe now occupying the “senior” position at the school. (How can it be?!)
 
After we saw everyone off, I was able to be one hundred percent, thoroughly and genuinely (perhaps for the first time) enjoy the experience of baking with a toddler. I relished every moment of it. I loved each time her exuberant stirring made for a mess because she would so adorably apologise with the sweetest, “Oh! Sowwy! Opie!” (her version of “oopsie!” )
I was filled with delight by the eggshell in the mix as she excitedly exclaimed over the wonders of cracking an egg (“here it comes!” “let’s go and look for the surprise inside mammy!” ).

I found it hilarious that she was loathe to pour the chocolate chips into the mix because it meant they would not be available to her for snacking on. And the fact that once I had secured her a few to snack on in a bowl later,  she poured every last remaining chip in, which made the cookies basically into globs of chocolate bound together with a few grains of oatmeal.  (They were good. In case you were wondering).  I can’t stop laughing at her triumphant expression after placing the cookies carefully on the cookie sheet. Oh she is cute.

Despite my fatigue and the fact that nothing had changed regarding the external stressors we are experiencing,  I was blessed to be unusually and entirely in the moment and loving every second of it. For one blissful hour I was exactly the mother I want to be. 
The change in my outlook and emotions felt nothing short of miraculous. My mind was sharp, my priorities were clear, my perspective was calm and balanced. When Ella threw an epic fatigue induced tantrum I felt no irritation despite my own fatigue. And soon as I lay beside her for her nap, I fell asleep too. Hallelujah! We both awoke cheerful and refreshed at the precise moment we were to greet the others with warm cookies and cold milk. 
When I got up today, nothing had changed since yesterday. The house is still (literally) falling apart, no money tree grew overnight, stressful questions remain unanswered and burdensome problems remain unsolved.  Our schedule is still impossibly crammed with too many things. And I still feel like a deserted island and an empty calendar sounds dreamy. And tomorrow might be cloudy and grumpy and hard.
But today it was well with my soul. It was a good day. A really good day. A fresh new start.

Growing up Gracie

You guys. This month. Oy to the V.E.Y.
Too much, too much. Good, bad, ugly, beautiful….it all equals total exhaustion. But just one more day, man…one more day. Today we celebrated Gracie’s DARE graduation. It also serves as a graduation from Elementary school and they ask kids to put together a collage of pictures from their elementary years. This just about undid me. The time. It goes too fast. It offends me. I find it really unfair. HOW. Did.This.Happen? No really. How?
Here she is with the ever awesome Officer/Coach Robin and check it, her “pledge” made it onto the event program! I am going to print out that pledge, laminate it and hang it around her neck.

Ok so anyway, there’s like 5 million things to catch up on and there will be 12 jillion photos of the last few days (and tomorrow to catch up on) after tomorrow, (today actually it’s once again after midnight-gah) but I just couldn’t resist sharing this.  It hurts so good.

And since her 5th grade teacher didn’t make it onto the poster we got her holding the poster which is even better. (Thank you Mrs. Cribbs!)  She really has been a very blessed girl with the teachers she has had. They have all been so kind and caring.
 
And here are a couple of bonus shots:




Holy moses, that’s a cute little girl. And she’s so beautiful now. Inside and out. Doesn’t mean I think the whole growing up thing is ok though. Because I don’t.

And now I’m going to bed because tomorrow (today) is going to be a doozie. Totally appropriate way to finish out May.  Verklempt already..
PS: Such an overwhelming response to yesterday’s post….thank you so much. Oh man…I FEEL YOU GUYS! It’s amazing how much so many of us have in common without even knowing it. You are so not alone. Each email has touched and humbled me so much and I can’t wait to talk to you more about things you have been so generous in sharing with me.  I just wanted you to know that I absolutely will get back to each and every one of you as soon as I possibly can….it really just has been bonkers here (today is going to make a really funny blog post when I’ve recovered). Much love!