So I'm not....

Here















All for the lack of this:

Which I think is:













Not for lack of trying..valiantly trying you understand. I sent the perfect application, with a super suck- upp-ish letter straight up BEGGING them to expedite it for me (as the nice person I spoke to at the Australian consulate on the first day suggested.) Said nice person had again assured me on the 3rd day of my twice daily calling, that when they see someone wants something expedited they "do everything humanly possible to make it so". Hence the glimmer of hope.

Be ye not so foolish! You must NEVER allow hope to enter the equation when it comes to bereaucracy. Bureaucracy is NEVER ON YOUR SIDE, people!

Each time I called, within the first 10 seconds of answering the phone and hearing me sweetly ask if they would mind checking my status, someone was hastily assuring me that "it takes 15 days. 15 BUSINESS days".

"Yes, yes I know, I know this is my problem, and not yours and that I am being highly unorthodox, and imposing horribly on you for being so bold as to ask you to send me an $80 stamp in my passport which you now hold hostage, via $30 worth of rush-postage in less then 15 business days, but I just thought...maybe...since the nice lady said that sometimes.."

By Monday..if I heard the phrase, "You must understand it takes FIFTEEN BUSINESS DAYS" one more time..... There's just no telling.

Ok so let's break this thing down and look at it for a moment. Here is what I know:

1.We live in a global economy. This means that people from different countries tend to do business with each other. Lots and lots of important business. Every single day.

2.Things in this day and age tend to require speed. We have email, and now! Even email on our cell-phones just so we don't have to wait the 10 minutes to get home from the grocery store to check our email. Because we're speedy like that these days. You know these days when it's the 21st century and stuff.

3. Visas take 15 FIFTEEN BUSINESS days to process (but usually longer, per the nice people answering the phone at the Australian embassy).

Hmmm. let's look at 1, 2 and 3 for a moment...one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong..
(btw, I did not grow up with Sesame St. and I have never actually heard that song so apparently I am a pop-culture Idiot Savant because when I googled to check..I had all the lyrics right.)

How the HECK can it take 15 days to process a visa?! When people need to be places, and they don't always have more then 2 weeks notice from the time they decide to leave? It's one thing to have a valid passport. That is responsible and reasonable. But how do you get a valid visa for everywhere you might like to travel sometime? Just in case? And those things often expire in very short amounts of time. Strikes me as a tad ludicrous.

And really, WHY does it take 15 business days? Seriously? This is not hard. Check to see if I have a criminal record, check one or two other things, or four or five even. Go nuts with the checking... put a stamp in my passport and there ya go. I'm thinking it takes all of 15 minutes to do.

Finally WHY in the WORLD would a governmental agency NOT offer the option to expedite visas?? Think of all the extra fleecing opportunities!! What if I had to get over there for a funeral?! Would the body have to be kept on ice for 3 weeks while my visa application languished in a bin for 14 days only to be retrieved from said bin on the FIFTEENTH BUSINESS DAY?

See...I am picturing the set up over there. A few desks-complete with type writers and rotary phones. On a long table by the front door-14 industrial yellow plastic bins. Every morning a pimply teenager transfers all visas to the next consecutive bin. Bin number 15 is RED. Only the visas in this bin can be processed Even if there are days when bin number 15 or 14 or even bin number 13 are empty...the people just sit around listening to the phonograph, doing their nails, diligently waiting for the FIFTEENTH BUSINESS DAY whereupon they smile pleasantly, retrieve the dusty application from bin number 15. Type on their computer..er type writer.. for 45 seconds, stamp it...and send it in the postage paid self addressed envelope back to the woman in Ohio.

The woman whose irresponsible dreams of ditching her family to run a race on the beach and then hang out for the next week with her sister.. having too much fun, have long since been shattered.

But it is important that you understand that I am in no way bitter about this. Not. At. All.

Seriously though, there is always a silver lining. It's probably not the best time. Now I get to attend the 10 odd soccer games I would be missing. WOOT!

Perhaps we can try again when the weather here is making me mean(er). It does seem a bit of a shame to take a trip to Australia when it is beautiful Fall here......yeah......

I comfort myself with these things.....

Good luck Shona! I'm sure you will end up running better without all the laughing.....(sniff}

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