Y’all I can’t believe it’s October tomorrow. The month when all things morbid, gross and creepy are celebrated and embraced. Halloween is not celebrated in South Africa, and I am still so bemused by the whole concept of people setting up fake graveyards in their front yards when death it generally such a taboo the rest of the year. I embrace it to a point.
Speaking of gross and creepy*** SHONA!! DO NOT READ THIS: fainting may occur********…I stapled my thumb in the school library the other day . I was loading the stapler when this troubling incident occurred. I was loading the stapler in preparation for stapling the hem of my pants. Which had come down and were soggy from a puddle. I thought that was a pretty good idea. Kind of McGyver meets What Not to Wear. Turns out it was not a good idea, actually.
(this reference photo may be slightly older and more rusty then the actual stapler)
My pants never did get stapled. My thumb did though. I think I mentioned that. It hurt a lot. It was with a 1950's vintage stapler which appeared to me to be somewhat rusty. The staple itself was also vintage. From a vintage box of staples. I’m not kidding. Apparently they don’t staple much at the school library. Good quality, industrial strength steel, sturdy and thick and sure. Like a nail. None of this flimsy bendy wussy skinny staple stuff of this pansy, nancy throwaway generation. That staple meant business. That staple was built to last. It was hard to get out of my thumb. You know how staples are designed to curve at the point of entry? Yes, that. It makes things a bit more complicated. I used my labour breathing. Upon getting it out there was blood of a significant amount. Due to the staple being the width of a tree stump. On my thumb. In plain sight. I did not faint. I feel quite proud of this fact. There are witnesses to attest to the fact that I did not even have to put my head between my knees.
Did you know that my mother stapled her finger once? But she did it intentionally. Because she was bored. She was not a child at the time. She was a young adult. She worked in an office. She was indeed,very bored. There was no internet in those days you see. Or Soduku . I guess she had already done her nails. She wanted to know how it would feel. Gosh,what a shame mom, you could have waited a few decades and I could have told you. It feels bad. Shockingly enough.
Speaking of the internet (which are so fortunate to have in order to distract us from self mutilation at the office) My latest internet preoccupation is trying to find baby equipment that is not cutesy and garish. My house I may have mentioned here before is not large. It is small. There is no space to devote to baby decor. Baby must fit into our decor. Everyone else here does. Baby really needs to as well. I think that's fair. However the makers of baby swings (I cannot live without a baby swing-they make them like cradles now you know-I want one. I will have one) don't seem to realize that the newborn baby doesn't have a clue whether or not their cradle looks like a cute lamb or sports adorable little insects or not. In fairness they are getting much closer to what I would like to see (which is nothing-something that will just fade into the background). But still...they can't seem to resist just a hint of cutesiness. Why can't there be more totally neutral baby gear? Babies are perfectly cute just on their own. I know. Me and my first-world problems. Poor me.
I spent a lovely hour at the dentist today. No really, it was as lovely as it can be when you have to get fillings on both side of your mouth and you have allergies, morning sickness and heartburn (none of which were too severe for that hour-thank heaven). My dentist rocks. My two baby teeth no longer look like something out of rural Appalachia which is always a confidence booster. I feel like a duck with my big numb chin/lip now. It’s oddly fascinating to stroke one’s face and have it feel like someone else’s isn’t it? It feels more squishy. Also there’s an itch but it can’t be scratched. Is this what an epidural feels like? Do tell.
Tres random..
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3 comments:
Ah you are a funny woman! I can't believe you stapled your thumb.
Nick's mom stapled one of her digits twice. She did it the first time because she wondered how badly it would hurt and just in general what it would feel like. The second time was because she forgot what it felt like the first time and so she wanted to remember. I personally think she is a bit odd :)
As for epidurals hmm...it doesn't make me feel swollen, but when Nick rubs my legs it feels really weird because I can sort of feel it but not really and then it freaks me out and I have to tell him not to touch my lower half.
Hmmm...I think that would be a fair description of an epidural. It feels like your legs fell asleep, only SUPER asleep and for a LONG time. It doesn't feel as weird as it sounds and, having now had a baby without pain meds, can say for absolutely certain I prefer it...thought that's just me.
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