Encounters of the Crazy Kind

On Christmas Eve I had the most bizarre encounter. It was one of the funniest things I have experienced in a while. I am still puzzling over why it made me laugh rather then violent (since I'm a pregnant woman with plenty of Latin blood coursing through my veins), but it did.

I was at the community center. Being Christmas Eve it was a "free" day so everyone and their brother was there (literally). The place was a ZOO. There is a track at the community center. There are three lanes on that track. One is designated for runners, one for joggers, one for walkers. On this Christmas Eve, no rules appeared to apply. Old people were strolling side by side, three across, kids were weaving in and out. It was not the day to set a land-speed record.

I was in the jogging lane. I was jogging. There is a certain point on the track whereupon you can get on or off it. After jogging for a while I felt that I needed to walk. This happens when you are very pregnant.

As I approached the entry/exit point of the track, I slowed down. With the intention of merging into the walking lane. Because the walking lane was somewhat congested, I may have slowed down to a very slow jog in order to await my "gap". I heard some sort of commotion behind me but since it was so busy, it really did not register above the music on my iPod. The noise however went on and on.

As I started to walk in the walking lane, I became aware that the noise was not subsiding. In fact it was getting louder and closer. Turns out, it was directed at me. It was following me. I turned to find a woman. She was a very angry woman. She was angry with me. She was gesticulating wildly. As she bellowed at me. I removed my iPod and looked at her questioningly.

She yelled that that I could "NOT. JUST. STOP!!!" Since I had not "just stopped", I was a bewildered by this accusation, but I quickly apologised since she seemed so outraged and well...I don't know, I feel vulnerable in workout wear.

As I proceeded with my travails in the walking lane, I processed what had just happened. Someone had just yelled at me, a woman quite obviously in the advanced stages of pregnancy, because I had "stopped running". On Christmas Eve. On free day when people were doing way worse things then slowing down in the jogging lane. For a moment I felt a hormonal surge of righteous indignation. She was wearing a shirt that said, "Fence Judge" and I immediately resolved not to vote for anyone who was running for Judge, named "Fence." (It was only later that I realized that she might have been judging fences or sitting on a fence in order to judge others, but what can I say, I am civically-minded).

But almost immediately the outrage passed. I started to giggle. It was the craziest thing. Whenever I saw the angry Fence Judge I laughed harder.

I started to picture the alternatives she had left me. Just keep running until she was done? Until my water broke? Like a pregnant hamster on a wheel? Until I collapsed so she could run over me? Until the community center closed?

When I was done with my ill fated walk/jog I went to chat to a friend who was on an exercise bike. Two women on stair-steppers next to her interrupted to ask incredulously if "that woman yelled at you". Apparently her rant at me had been so lengthy and loud as to attract the attention of the rest of the gym. They were outraged and told me that I should have "bopped her with my belly". After that whenever I saw Angry Fence Judge, I imagined her red-faced and furious, bouncing off my belly which made the urge to laugh even more profound.

But the crowning moment was when Amy, my workout buddy stole the exercise ball that Fence Judge had been using before she turned her back to get a towel or something. I flinched as she approached and Amy timidly apologized. Fence Judge could not have been more normal or pleasant. It was the final straw.

Apparently only pregnant women who stop running enrage her.

That's funny. And crazy.

Did you have any of you have any bizarro encounters this holiday season? Check this one out. It's definitely crazy. And kind of sad.

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