I love a new beginning, especially when it brings with it the lovely season of Autumn.. especially when it comes with the end of something I really, really detest, loathe, don’t enjoy.
The interminable, miserable first trimester is officially over. Can I get a WOOT WOOT!!??
It would be awesome if this meant all accompanying misery was magically over too. I’m hoping that the worst is behind me though. I have had some good (relatively great) days recently. Generally they are followed by a couple of really rough, lie in bed flat on my back all day rising only to puke, days. Possibly because I overdo it on the good day-it’s hard not to. I am very behind on my life! The fact that I am blogging is a great sign I think.
Blogging has been as you may have noticed…not happening. One would think that since all I can do is lie around all day blogging would be on fire, however that would mean being productive in some way and I am allergic to productiveness in the first trimester. I’m not kidding. I can update facebook just fine most days. I can make inane little comments. Because that is not productive. But doing something remotely productive or creative is just beyond me. Like literally beyond me. Like…you could ask me to run a marathon and it would feel just as out of my reach as a blog post or an email or even filling out my calendar, preparing a lesson, paying bills….anything that requires any type of brain initiation. Impossible. Inconceivable.
Can I tell you how blessed I feel right now to not be a working woman? To not be the mother of young and needy kids? I think back to when I was a full time college student with a toddler, pregnant with number 2, going to 10pm study groups with clueless sorority girls and frat boys who could sleep in til noon the next day, and then going home to puke, study for finals and take care of my baby with an ear infection all night…. and I wonder how. I wonder how I did it when I was a full time college student with a ridiculously full load and two marketing internships. I lost 10lbs in the first trimester of my first pregnancy and I did not have it to lose. I must have been really sick. But I soldiered on. I wonder how I did it when I was a the mother of 3-aged 4 and under. How? How! How? Hooooooooow???? Because I had to I suppose. I just can’t imagine doing all that now. I don’t feel like I can. So I’m glad I don’t have to.
I think this pregnancy has seemed so tough because it has had the added bonus of being older (I am way more then a decade older then I was when I did it the first time) and also the extra complications of dysautonomia. It’s a weird thing this funky condition. Some days I literally cannot sit upright. I can’t read a book because I am too dizzy. Getting to the bathroom can be scary. I have visions of pitching over the banisters or drowning after passing out into the toilet bowl. Some days I can’t stand up without my heart rate sky rocketing. Other days I can go for a gentle jog and feel almost normal. There’s just no telling what the day will bring. I am hoping the worst is behind me. I am feeling very,very fortunate that even if it isn’t, there are very few expectations made of me. People have been kind and understanding (even if they are secretly rolling their eyes at pathetic me and going crazy over having to pick up my slack. I don’t blame them). My family have been amazing. My husband has been a gem. My friends have been saintly saints. Long may they all live. This baby had better be cute ;) It’s the size of a plum now you know. I can’t wait to meet him or her. I was watching one of those baby shows and this baby was nursing, she was just a day or two old but she had her eyes as wide open as they would go, her little forehead was all wrinkled up with the effort of craning to see her mother’s face without unlatching from her meal. It was the most precious thing. She seemed so incredibly fascinated and eager to see her mom. So innocent and so wise at the same time. At that moment, even though I was feeling so ghastly, I was so grateful to be pregnant. I cannot wait to experience moments like that again. Can.not wait.
Finny regarding his daddy moments after his birth…
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1 comments:
I have loved breastfeeding more and more with each pregnancy. I love it so much right now, time number 3, that I cannot stand the fact that she's at daycare all day, taking a bottle. Am I crazy for considering a night job just so I can stay at home? I teeter back and forth between yes and no.
I'm glad you're starting to feel better. I have nausea during my first trimester, but it doesn't appear to be nearly as bad as what you experience. Especially since vomiting generally isn't involved. I hope it just gets better and better over the next 5-6 months!
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