Taking Back Control: One Year Later

On this day one year ago I kicked off The Momedy-sketch Take Back Control Challenge.

I thought it appropriate that I use the anniversary to review my own progress vis a vis: taking back control of my life.  I was in such a terrible slump when I came up with the idea of the challenge.  I could feel in a literal, physical way a block as heavy and impenetrable as concrete sitting somewhere around my throat and chest area that was pinning me back from getting on with my life’s purpose, I could feel the energy and the drive thrumming impatiently inside but I couldn’t access it. It felt as if I was running in place, or in one of those dreams where you can’t get to where you are trying to go, I felt like the motor was running but the gear was in neutral….you get the gist. I knew that I would need a good thick stick of dynamite to blast the cement block out of my way and I have always been energized by rallying a group together for a shared purpose.

Last year was a long and hard one. It started off pretty badly and went on to have some major lows but also some highs. It was a year of growth.  And I was more than happy to see the end of it.
Despite a mostly  sucky growth-filled year, I would call the Take Control challenge a great personal success and it was indeed so tremendously encouraging and inspiring to watch and cheer others in the community on as they achieved their goals.  I am indebted to each and every person who participated in the challenge despite my shaky leadership.

For me the challenge kicked off lots of positive changes: a 35lb weight loss, the achievement of some long neglected fitness goals, facing and overcoming some fears that were really holding me back. (It was decreed to be the year of Fearlessness after all).  I began a new venture helping to empower people to take control of their health and every day I am rewarded with texts from people telling me how happy they are, how excited they are to finally be in control and achieving what they had started to believe they never would.  It’s incredibly fulfilling and I am verklempt on a regular basis.  I started my Masters degree which has been fascinating and exhausting in equal parts. And best of all, I made some wonderful new friendships.

 Finally, after a really rough year struggling with depression and anxiety, I found a wonderful new doctor who worked with me to treat it properly, and amazingly enough, this brutal winter has been one of less than a handful in the last 2 decades during which I did not struggle with debilitating depression.

While it didn’t really happen for me during 2013, although I did make considerable progress,  it happened before March so I will count it. Over the last couple of months, the penny finally dropped regarding organizing and maintaining order in my home and I finally figured out systems that make sense and are sustainable.  It’s a modern miracle. No truly it is.
 
I’m feeling optimistic and motivated about this year. Yes, I know we are in the 3rd month of this year already (wow) but in many ways March feels like my personal new year. It’s not just the (theoretical) arrival of Spring that does it for me, it’s also that for some reason I feel a sense of limbo in January and February.  With a lot less apathy this year than in years past,  it’s felt like a time for getting my ducks in a row in preparation for coming out of hibernation. But I’m feeling like the page has finally turned now and  I’m excited to see what the story of 2014 will be.

Amidst all the self-congratulations and tales of triumph, I must keep it real and acknowledge that among many other areas of my life which need some major work and overhaul, this blog has somewhat floundered over the last year. Posting has been erratic and sporadic. This makes me feel sad and incomplete. I love this little blog of mine, it has done so much for me and it deserves better.With school starting back for me on Monday, I really need to budget my time carefully though. Blogging is a great outlet for me but if I am really busy and then I feel overwhelmed with an excess of information to share… I tend to post nothing. I have lamented this tendency several times before, I know. 

Sadly, I still have so much to catch up on from the last last few eventful months. I know I said that I’d give myself ‘til Feb 14th to cover any past events but I really do want to cover them at least briefly, for posterity.  But I also really want to share the things that I find exciting or helpful or outrageous or mind-blowing currently. The things that have been working for me and/or others. I want to introduce you to people who inspire me. So many aspirations, so little follow through.  I’m starting to understand how to handle my ADD tendencies and so I’ve decide..it’s time for more structure.  There must needs be a system. So I’ve roughed out a little schedule that I think will help to keep me on track a little better.

Along with keeping up with Works for Me Wednesday (where among other things, I really and truly will finally be showing you the much hyped home organization, (you don’t believe me? Really?! As if I’d let the chance to brag painstakingly and pictorially about my organized pantry pass? Pffft…clearly you don’t know me) and reviving the fledgling Mental Health Monday posts,  I am planning to incorporate interviews with some of my amazing friends each Friday.  What should the catchy, alliterative name for that be? Friendly Friday? TGIFF (Thank Goodness I have these Friends Friday?) Yeah I’ll keep working on that. These are people who over the course of the last year decided to take control of things in their lives, threw out all the excuses, buckled down and just did it.  Their passion and joy and satisfaction in overcoming obstacles and getting out of their own way is so inspiring and contagious. 

It’s my  hope that having a bit of structure will appeal to the out of control OCD perfectionist within who likes anything that comes with instructions. I think having some guidelines will help me to just pick one of the millions of ideas on the multi-coloured mental post-its floating willy-nilly around in my cranium and write about something already.

Coming tomorrow: a brief (I promise) review on the hits and misses re: the resolutions I made for 2013 and my goals for 2014.

Happy March m’Peeps! We survived January and February! Just 3 months of Winter to go in Ohio!

Taking Control Challenge: part 2. Crazy Coat Closet to Cozy Workspace Makeover

Haha! You thought I would flake again! Who me? Here, as promised…the big reveal..
By the way, I wish I had time to dig around for photos of the coat closet before. Cos it was heinous. No matter how many times I purged and reorganized it would just be a matter of days before it became a catch all for whomever had the living room chore that day. And no matter how many times I instructed, implored or threatened, people would not remember to close the door on the chaos that lay within. It made me mental. Pretty much every single day for as long as we have lived here. That’s  a lot of time spent feeling mental.
A couple of weeks ago Cindi came over and as is my wont when Cindi comes over (she is my muse) I suddenly got a bee in my bonnet to turn the coat closet into a little reading nook. I pictured taking the doors off and putting a comfy armchair, a lamp and a sweet little bookshelf in there. This would mean that the first thing people saw as they walked up the path to our home would not be a closet vomiting all manner of clothing and sports paraphernalia (and whatever else whomever was cleaning the living room did not feel like dealing with) but an inviting and cozy spot to relax and read.  Oh, it was beautiful in my mind.
The problem is we had no comfy armchair. We did have a small couch but upon dismantling three rooms to get it into the closet we discovered that we had mismeasured-by a hair and it wasn’t going to happen.  I was not deterred, I’m not sure quite what triggered it,no doubt something Cindi said, when it suddenly occurred that this closet had finally found it’s true mission and purpose in life and was about to live up to its full potential.
And then I passed out from the ecstasy of this realization.
When I came around, I got to work.
I determined that this closet was born to be a workspace. And we had discovered that delightful fact it just in time for me to become a student again!
Lo and behold…this is what was created. (Ugh please excuse the horrid photos. I am having major camera issues and in my attempt to fix the haze, the colour got a bit messed up but you will get the general idea..)
Now you see it:                               Now you don’t!

Taking a bit of a closer look. I used wrapping paper I had bought at T.J Maxx a while ago (and rediscovered upon emptying out the coat closet) to “wallpaper” the wall. I actually got the paper because it is incredible quality. Really really thick  and I thought I could use it to decoupage something. (As if I decoupage things. Bygones).
I did not want to paint, or do anything permanent because the closet is cedar (it smells lovely) so put the paper up with sticky tack. Yup. I’m classy like that. I figure I will get sick of it at some point and then I can easily replace it with something new. Ohhhhh! Fun! (These pics are better representing the colour.)

I mostly shopped around the house the rest. It was absolutely amazing how everything fell into place. 
The desk and chair are both from Ikea. Both for under $20.  The desk fit in there…to the millimeter! It’s not gorgeous and I do want to paint it white when I get a chance, but functionally it definitely does the trick.
The cushion is from Big lots on sale and the blanket (an absolute necessity for me, a cold blooded creature) was from TJ Maxx.

I used water colour scrapbook paper to line the back of the bookshelves because I thought it brightened it up. And I found some random sticky (but not in a permanent way) blue paper for a buck at TJ Maxx for lining the yucky MDF shelves. I thought it was so funny (and awesome) how well all the turquoise-ish things worked together. They were all bought separately at different times.  Truly. None of it was bought together with matching in mind.  How cool is it that the file folders totally coordinate with the “wallpaper?” Even the little metal can I have the plant sitting in, in matches perfectly, and had been sitting in my kitchen looking awkward for ages. It’s the little things, I tell ya.
(The blue photo boxes have been sitting on those shelves for as long as we have lived here and since I didn’t need that space I let them stay, looking pretty and holding photos circa 1998.
The little turquoise rug was also at Big Lots and I found it completely accidentally. I dropped something and when I bent over to pick it up..I saw it rolled to the faaarr back on a shelf. Judging from the ancient looking (and cheap) pricetag I suspect it had been there for years. It was precisely the right colour, length, width and thickness. It helps make things much cozier in here and (weirdly enough) it makes it easier for my chair to roll around.
What makes me happiest about this space is that everything is 100% practical and at my finger tips. From the wastepaper basket to the highlighters.  I finally have a printer..right where I need it to be.  Imagine?! My books are right.there. I have a calendar and white board right in front of my eyes where I cannot miss them.  This has already saved my bacon. This space was meant for me and I for it.  I do not need one inch more. In fact if I had one inch more I would feel compelled to spread out in order to use it, and I would become instantly less efficient. See what a blessing little spaces can be?
Ok no I lied..here’s the best part.  Unlike every other closet workspace I have seen (and yearned for) over the years, this one allows me to go all the way inside, and CLOSE.THE. DOOR. Because the doors are slatted, I have plenty of ventilation and I can peek outside if I need to but it’s crazy how effective just shutting the doors is for helping me to focus and helping my kids to remember that I am trying to work. When I was sitting at a table in the living room they would walk by and remember some random anecdote that they absolutely had to share with me right at that moment, and I would feel compelled to stop and smile and nod politely and make some pertinent comment before I went back to work.  You can imagine how well that went down for my ADD self.  I cannot tell you what the simple act of closing these little doors does for my ability to buckle down and get the job done.  I know this sounds silly but I do believe that it was inspiration. God knows what I need, man.
So that’s my first reveal on taking back control of my house and attitude. I hope to get the next “reveal” in the series up soon. We’ve been breaking all sorts of rules to make our house more fun and functional.
 And again, here’s part one where I talk about taking back control of my relationship with food and consequently my weight.

Ear-Lie in the Mornin’

Today (or yesterday) if I don’t post this in the next few minutes….or that one Tuesday back in August… (if you read this in the future…) Now that we’ve covered the technicalities…where was I? Ah yes. Today/Yesterday/That one time…
Was good. As was yesterday (or that day before that one day)
…Actually life in general is feeling much better lately. (KNOCKWOOD). I am so very grateful to finally be feeling more like myself…I am praying hard that I continue to feel that way.  But I’ve also been working on a better lifestyle. I have discovered a radical lifestyle change.  Are you ready for this?  It’s all sorts of crazy, I’m warning you.
I’m getting up early. You read that right. No I haven’t been hacked.
Here’s the thing. I get up early now.  That makes it sound like I’ve been doing this for months. Ok fine..for like…what 5 days now or something I’ve been getting up early. (See? It’s practically a lifelong habit…I can barely remember another way. Ok that’s just a lie…)

4 steps to a better muffin making experience with your host Ms. Ellabeth Sayer. On Good  Early Morning Sayer Kitchen….
I don’t know….I’m sorry, but I just feel like you’re not recognizing what a big deal this is.  So here are……
5 Things you need to know in order to grasp the enormity of this announcement:
1. I am not a morning person. Nor a midmorning person. By noon I’m still feeling groggy…I start to sort of hit my stride at around 5pm.  After an afternoon nap. 
2. Since one has to be awake sometimes (right? that’s a rule I guess?) I am, by necessity, a night owl. It is approaching midnight as I write this. This is early in my world. Like 8pm to normal people.
3. I am a chronic insomniac.  It’s always been a problem for me. I hate it but it is what it is.  No matter how sleep deprived or exhausted I am, going to bed before midnight always seems to make that situation worse. I get the kicky restless legs and everything. I must go to bed almost asleep or not even bother.
4.My alarm lately (and for the foreseeable future)  goes off at 5:10am aka “middle of the night sometime”…aka “zero dark-what-the-does–that-time-even-exist-in-civilized-society?”
5. Ella has been getting up several times a night. as is Ella’s wont. (PS:We really are the worst parents EVER in the history of parenting.Fact.)
All of these things add up to….minimal sleep. Like zombie territory levels of sleep.
And yet. In spite of it all….I have once again been reminded me of the stunning truth that…
wait for iiiiiit
Life is seriously SO MUCH BETTER when one gets up (voluntarily) at an unearthly hour. (Disclaimer: It’s not better at ALL when you are planning to sleep in ‘til 10 and a child vs.vomit situation crops up or some random drunkard rings your bell at 6am or your neighbour has a parrot…then life is much, much worse. ). I’m talking about doing it with intention.
Disclosure: I have been getting up to do personal training (it’s not as if I’m suddenly disciplined enough to just hop up after 2 hours of broken sleep ‘cos I decided I would. As if.)

{The school run, I realized that although Finny can walk alone to school, my days of him letting me kiss him goodbye outside his school (and even say a quick prayer today since we forgot at the house) are dangerously numbered. I want to soak them up while I can…}
But truly, it’s phenomenal the amount of stuff I’m getting done in the time I used to be sleeping. Like an entire day’s worth. Which means the rest of the day is available to do yet more stuff.  I can DO ALL THE STUFF.  Amazing. 
But really, when I took stock of what I accomplished before 8am the last few days I began to feel quite sick about how much stuff I could have accomplished over the course of all these years that I have been burning daylight!  I could have a few PhD’s under my belt….I could have learned how to whittle, or how to do a french braid that doesn’t come loose within 3 hours. I mean, really. The possibilities. Squandered. Lost forever.

{Pretty much anything Ella does, Finny finds hilariously charming. Here they are making muffins together. BEFORE SCHOOL!  The muffins were super healthy ones which I then intentionally made slightly less healthy… (long story, I will tell it later).  }
Last night I did that old time management analogy/visual aid for Family Home Evening with the balls and the rice in the bowl.
{If you aren’t a Mormon and haven’t seen this done 45,000 times since you were 5…this is how it goes: If you put the rice in the bowl first, the balls can’t all fit in the bowl. if you put the balls in first, the rice can fill in the gaps and everything fits rather nicely. The idea is that the balls represent the really important things, and the rice is the fluff and the fun}

{Early morning reading. She crowned him.}
It’s a very simple concept and it’s entirely true. When  you get the important stuff out of the way first, your day just seems to open up…really obligingly. One would think that I could have figured out how make it happen this way in all the extra hours I have awake at night but nope…night hours just don’t have that magically efficient quality somehow. 
Big bonus: Now I get to spend more time with my kids and start the day with them on a far less frantic and bleary/unconscious note. For that alone….100% worth it. The time is ticking until those kids leave me. I feel it acutely suddenly. The tick-tock , tick-tock and hourly chimes of their childhoods passing are clanging in my head…(it’s pretty obnoxious and rude).
I don’t want to waste any more time…I can sleep when they are gone. Raising their own kids and never sleeping-(haha…is it wrong that this thought made me smile a small yet evil smile?) '
No but really, I do need to figure out a way to sleep at night. Sleep is important. So I will be working on that aspect…
.
{Going for a run on the glorious pre-noon trail. Running before noon is far more preferable to running at noon. Just so you know.}
Another thing I’m realizing is if I start the day with the 3 things that I know are most important for my health (physical, emotional and spiritual) namely:  exercise, prayer/meditation and scripture study, I have way more energy, patience and motivation for everything and one else. 
Look, I recognize that  I’m not exactly an expert on this lifestyle yet and probably don’t have the right to be touting the benefits with evangelical zeal yet… but I’m quickly becoming a convert.
Getting up early. It’s a good thing. Must. Keep. That. Up. (hold me to it friends).
Now: If anyone has any idea on how to go to bed early and actually SLEEP, that would be super.
Goodnight, sleep tight! (or Good morning/good afternoon/good evening as the case may be...)
Linking to WFMW on We are that family because this works for me!

On Taking Control. Part 1: Fixing my relationship with food, making peace with my body, and *painlessly* losing 20+lbs in under 2 months (and still losing!)…

On March 1st I started the Momedy Sketch Take Control Community Challenge and a lot of progress has been made in our little community since that time. It’s been a while since our last progress report . And so today I’m posting the first in a series of updates. It’s about how I’ve taken control of my relationship with food.
I’ve been a tad (ok make that very) sheepish to even go here because when last we spoke of this topic I was poised for another round of the vile and heinous HCG diet as part of my Take Control Challenge.  You  may remember that I embarked upon this torturous experiment in order to look better for my sister’s wedding and after a summer of ceaseless whining and severe deprivation, I did indeed lose a significant amount of weight. Unfortunately the end of my first phase of HCG coincided with me arriving in South Africa whereupon I spent the next 10 days making it my mission to eat as much fat and sugar as I could muster. I had felt so incredibly deprived of these things for so long (I was literally dreaming about pizza on a nightly basis) and I was NOT going to be depriving myself of all the South African goodies I had missed. 
And so by the time my sister’s wedding rolled around at the end of my 2 week sojourn there, I looked just as chubby as I had to begin with. Although I had not yet put much weight back on (that would happen soon enough, though) my face was horribly puffy and I looked just dreadful.  It was all most disappointing, but in fairness to the HCG people, it was EXACTLY what they said would happen if I did not do the 2nd stage of the diet (which I was too weak and desperate to even consider doing by that point). So HCG+ Me=fail. Live and learn.
Actually no. Live and continue to be stupid. By this Spring I was once again desperate. I was ready to re-launch my personal training business but I didn’t look the part at all, I looked puffy and unhealthy. I was overweight. I was physically uncomfortable.  I was self conscious.  Running was torturous. I kept injuring myself. I was low on energy and inspiration.  I pondered another uncomfortable summer and it filled me with dread. And so I turned again, to HCG.
Now, unlike childbirth, I had not forgotten the pain. I knew how much I had hated the HCG diet and how hard it had been on everyone around me but I justified my plan to do it again by saying I would just do it for a shorter period this time, and I would do it properly so I didn’t put all the weight back on in a hurry.  Still I was thoroughly miserable contemplating it.  I started taking the drops over a weekend and “gorging” which is requisite. I felt awful. I was agitated and irritable. And I hadn’t even started the starving part yet! I felt so out of sorts that I started to wonder if I was having a bad reaction to the drops.  On the Monday morning by 11am I had decided that this was not going to happen.
Standing in my kitchen, I had experienced a small window of clarity in my irritability and angst and I had clearly heard something deep inside of myself say, “NO. STOP. ENOUGH.” (Do not proceed, do not pass go, do not collect $200.)
This isn’t like me at all. My OCD makes “giving up” very hard to do, and it was. I was furious at being derailed, but I couldn’t deny the very strong and clear impression I had experienced. 
I knew that I couldn’t do this again. Standing there that morning staring into the kitchen sink, I decided that I was done abusing my body, I was done being a poor example to my children. I was now finished with doing things to myself that I could not in good conscience recommend that my clients and friends do to themselves. (You will note that I always had a lengthy disclaimer in my past weight loss posts).  I grimly decided that if this meant I would remain overweight forever, then so be it,  I would no longer be perpetuating these horribly unhealthy attitudes for my children and others to learn from.  Being overweight was not something I was happy about being (at all!)  but abusing my body anymore was simply intolerable and I knew it was very wrong.
A month or two earlier I had been perusing blogs and had seen a blogger that I’ve followed for years talking about her weight loss journey.  I was struck not so much about the fact that she’d lost a significant amount of weight very efficiently (which was certainly intriguing) , but more by what she was saying about how she was finally in control of her relationship with food.  I was also mesmerized by how healthy and glowing she looked.  When I’ve lost a lot of weight quickly in the past,  I didn’t look good.  People wondered if I was sick.  She seemed both physically and mentally health and I wanted to do this the right way.  I emailed her and asked her what she had been doing. She didn’t get back to me, and I assumed she had been inundated with messages and so I forgot about it.
Fast forward to the morning after my epiphany (perfect timing)  she emailed me and offered to call me sometime to tell me more. I eagerly accepted. From the first sentence she spoke I knew this was for me.  She talked about controlling hunger and cravings by controlling blood sugar. This has always been my issue. My blood sugar is very easily affected and when it is out of whack, like most people, I am a disaster. Everyone is to some extent.  Look, I tend to have great self discipline when I am committed to something (vanity related), but once blood sugar is low, almost everyone loses control physically and starts to forage uncontrollably. It’s the body’s survival instinct and we can’t really hold ourselves responsible for our actions when we have low blood sugar.  (Have you ever seen a two year old have a tantrum when they are overdue for a meal?  Those same instincts kick in for a 32 year old…although they generally skip the kicking and screaming part and are just plain irritable and start making bad choices. Like opening the fridge and stuffing their face with anything they can find. 
She also mentioned that she was NOT calorie counting, and the heavens opened and the angels sang.  It’s not that I just hate the hassle of calorie counting (which I so do)  it’s more that the minute I start having to calorie count or “dieting” in any way,  I start obsessing about food. It’s so draining and boring.  And I was determined NOT to obsess about food anymore! She talked about eating a normal, healthy meal with her family every night  And I knew this was for me.  This was not a diet it was a lifestyle, and it was a healthy sustainable lifestyle. It was one I could model for my kids with a good conscience. It was one I could recommend for my clients with confidence. Long story short, I'm a huge convert.
Ok so is already too long (and I have sooo much more to say)  so not going to go into any more detail about the program here because I can’t do it justice in this forum (more on that later) but let’s forget about what I’ve lost because that is not nearly as interesting as what I have gained over the last couple of months. It really has been life-changing.

An acceptance for my body. I hardly ever weigh myself anymore, even though my scale is right in the bathroom where it ever was. This is so huge for me as I have really struggled with scale/weight obsession in the past.  The number on the scale doesn’t have a great bearing on my life anymore, because since starting this program, I have felt good about myself as I am where I am.  I have felt physically and mentally healthy all the way down. Having clothes fit nicely or finding my (pre-pregnancy!!) pants are too big to wear is always a pleasant surprise but it’s truly (for the first time in my memory) a secondary perk.
A huge increase in energy. I started running again, but not to burn calories. I ran to have fun, to be with friends, and to feel good.  And it was actually fun again.  Despite my casual attitude toward “training”, I was pleasantly surprised to find that could run faster than I have in a long time and without injury, because I felt under no pressure to run further or harder than my body should  in order to lose more weight. I run in order to feel good for as long as it feels good.  (And carrying around a lot less baggage certainly doesn’t hurt either)
A healthy attitude toward food.  My obsession with food has gone away. I’m not feeling an emotional attachment to it anymore at all.  Food is neither good nor evil, it’s fuel.  Which is not to say I don’t still enjoy it, I absolutely do! Food can be great fun and I enjoy eating every single meal.  (And I eat a lot of meals!)   It’s just that I don’t NEED it emotionally anymore. I no longer need it to celebrate or mourn, I no longer turn to it when I am bored or stressed.  I enjoy it when it’s time to eat, and when it’s not, I don’t think about it.   This has NEVER been the case for me before.  Absolutely, without a doubt the worst part of HCG for me (worse than starving all the time) were the feelings of isolation I had because I couldn’t use food to self medicate, to celebrate with, to socialize with others over.  Conversely, I don’t use the lack of food to punish myself or to feel more in control any more. Food is a non-issue emotionally.
A sustainable, healthy lifestyle. Unlike HCG where I literally counted the hours until it was over, I feel as if I could do this forever.  Due to extreme life circumstances lately, I have gone off plan briefly a few times (which I don’t really recommend just because you will have even better results if you don’t) and each time I have not felt as if it was worth it, simply because I didn’t feel as good.  But that said, there was no, “oh well I’ve blown it-I’m off the wagon..may as well binge!” mentality this time. There was no self loathing leading to self destructive behaviours and then more self loathing.  I saw the situation for what it was. A couple of days off plan. Not a total system failure. And I genuinely couldn’t wait to get back on it. There was no girding up my loins to get back on track, I just looked forward to it and dived back in.  Not only do I feel so much better when I’m on it, it’s just really enjoyable and painless.
I’ve been really quiet about all this, up until now for a few reasons. One of them was because I didn’t want it to be another HCG scenario, I was somewhat embarrassed at being “that” girl.  I also wanted to make sure the program was what I was really looking for before I started talking about it in a public forum.  If it was successful I wanted it to be something I could recommend wholeheartedly,  without disclaimers. And it is.  The few people I have shared this with-a couple of friends and a client are saying the same things.  They do not feel deprived, they don’t feel hungry, they do not obsess about food.  They feel in control of their bodies and their lives again. My PT client described herself as feeling as if she was coming out of a “15 year fog”.  And to me, that’s better than fitting into your skinny jeans any day. (But I have to say, fitting into your skinny jeans totally doesn’t suck either..I just slid into some this morning and it was rather delightful.)
I really want to help more people experience what I’m experiencing, to feel in control of their bodies and heal their relationships with food. To feel healthy and confident and energetic.  Mostly I want to help people to stop obsessing about food and weight, stop the self loathing and love and accept themselves  right now, wherever they are on their journey to optimal health. 
If any of this resonated with you and you want to talk to me about it some more,  please email me: kirsty.sayer@gmail.com .
And now the requisite: Before and after pictures: (such as they are). Since I’m the only one who ever takes pictures, full length shots of me are hard come by.  This beauteous family outtake from Easter, along with every other random photo of me taken on that day will have to serve as the BEFORES. (Unfortunately? this was actually a pretty flattering outfit and not really an accurate representation of what was going on. )

And then (ironically)  we have these blurry, badly lit iphone gems from today. Taken  at the end of a long day and evening on various soccer fields,  while I tried to prevent Ella from sticking her hand down my shirt on camera. Ah yes, the glamour never stops my friends.  They will have to serve as the triumphant afters. (But you get the gist.) I am still in the process of losing so perhaps my real “afters” will be of better quality.

Next up in the Take Control Challenge :  Part 2: How I took control of my home (and my attitude) and fell back in love with my tiny (perfect sized) house.
linking up with works for me wednesday at we are that family. Because this has worked for me like nothing else ever has.

5 Tips for Taking Back Control of your life

(Or: Some of the Things I Learned in Week 2 of the Momedy Sketch Community Challenge).
So last week was a bit of a fail on the “blog 3x a week” goal but I feel like it was worth it. I was focusing on other things.
It’s no secret that I am instinctively an all or nothing kind of girl. My approach to self improvement in the past has been to “DO ALL THE THINGS. "


***
After a day (or an hour) of trying to completely revamp my life in every possible area, I was burned out and disgruntled. This generally led to deciding I was lame and lazy, had no willpower, would never change and was unworthy to be taking up valuable space in the productive-adult world. I would subsequently fall into a schlumpy heap of self pity and depression.Rinse. Repeat.

***
Something I am realizing and slowly becoming more and more at peace with, is that you can’t be awesome at everything all of the time. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t awesome.
I will always be instinctively an all or nothing, go big or go home kind of girl. I like quantifiable improvements, I like quick results (who doesn’t?!)  I’m not going to apologize for the fact that my tendency is to paint my life in broad, bold, and often messy strokes. I’m never going to be a careful sketcher. I’m just not that person.  And I do in fact, have tons of goals I am working on right now, but I’m not working on all of them with the same focus and intensity every day. So that brings me to my first tip:
1. Manage your expectations. Identify just one (or two) “do or die” tasks to add to your non-negotiables every day. For instance, my daily non-negotiable goals are : daily scripture reading, spending meaningful time with my kids, and sticking to a healthy eating program.  Each day I throw in 1 or 2 tasks from the 16 (yes, today I realized I have a list of 16!) other things I have decided I want to be better at. This keeps every day interesting and challenging and fun without being overwhelming. And when I do achieve that one thing at the end of the day I feel like a hero. I feel like the day made a difference. I have a sense of accomplishment that can only come from getting done what you set out to do. Even if 12,000 other things are a raging disaster around you, you got that one thing you said you would do done. You’re a freaking rock-star.
2.Be accountable to someone. I post my goal (s ) for the day to the Momedy sketch community challenge forum. I try to post in the morning but even if I don’t, I post at least once a day for that sense of accountability. I try to commit and then report back on whether I followed through on the same day. A sense of community has been incredibly helpful to me too. I’m so inspired by those who have joined me in this challenge who are doing hard things, looking at some really tough challenges and choosing to face them rather than surrender to them. Because isn’t that the whole point of life?  Even if we come out bloodied and bruised in the battle,  at the end of the day, we LIVED.
3.Focus. For the ADD inclined like me (or anyone living in a world where the internet and smart phones exist) I highly recommend downloading an app called Phocus. It’s simple but so effective. If you don’t have a smartphone,(you’re probably less in need of intervention) an egg timer will be just fine. When I first used phocus,  I was amazed at how many times I would go to my phone mid-task to check a text or an email or a website as I had a random thought which reminded me of something I needed to do/wanted to check on. Seeing the Phocus app on the screen redirected me and soon it became easier to just stay on task. (I also turned off social media and text message notifications. ) Incidentally there are a million and one productivity apps that can be really helpful.  (Just don’t waste hours picking one out…because that would be ironic. Not that I would know anything about that….erhem)
4.Celebrate your progress. No progress is too small to be celebrated. Small steps make a huge difference and they should be acknowledged and thrilled over. Just recording a small triumph every day is enough. Tracking your progress is so important.  Today I glanced at the post I wrote just a couple of weeks ago talking about how I could juuuuust about see the possibility of becoming the person I wanted to be again.  And I am amazed at how much more confident I feel about the fact that I can do the things I want to do . I will be the person I want to be. I’m feeling more like that person every day. I spend a lot of the day, while I am working, consciously and intentionally reflecting on the positive changes I am making, no matter how small or simple they are. Progress is progress. It’s no small thing.
5. Get enough sleep. Or as much as you possibly can. Things just don’t go nearly as well when you are tired. Life is 50000% harder. ‘Nuff said.  Make it a major priority. There were several times in the last week that I most uncharacteristically just ditched things half way done to get as much sleep as I could, and I never once regretted it.

Last week I talked about how much of a difference drinking enough water was making for me. And this week I’d say that the goal of doing something that I find scary or uncomfortable every day has made a truly profound difference for me. I am even starting to replace the feelings of fear and dread with nervous anticipation. I know how empowered I will feel once I have done the “scary thing” and so I have started to look forward to that moment every day. It’s a bit of a rush, to be honest.  Getting out of my comfort zone has made me feel alive and capable.

Hey! It’s not too late to join us at the Momedy Sketch Community Challenge. We are working on all sorts of things. From fitness to budgeting to not freaking out at our kids.  We’d love to have you jump in!  Email me: kirsty DOT sayer AT gmail DOT com.  and I’ll hook you up!
hooking up we are that family wfmw, because this is working for me.

*** HILARIOUS images above borrowed and amended with much credit and many apologies to the brilliant hyperbole and a half (most brilliant blog post of all time,on all the internet). I actually posted about it here years ago here.

If you want to be happy…(on getting control of my life)

We have a funny story in our family about that quote. Gracie saw it on my iphone not too long ago and said quizzically, “mommy, why should we be Leo Tolstoy?”  When I said…”errr???” she elaborated,  “it says here on your phone: if you want to be happy, be leo tolstoy.”  Ah punctuation.  You are everything.
Nerdy punctuation jokes aside,  I have such a love hate relationship with that quote. I first saw it when I was a kid and I loved it, it answered all my problems. If I was miserable, I just had to decide to be happy and BAM! I would be. Then I got older and more jaded and realized that it ‘aint that easy and that this Tolstoy fellow was in fact, a moron. But recently I realized that he probably just didn’t mean to make an attitude change and everything would be golden.  We can decide to be happy, but for some people it does take more work than for others. At some times in our lives, it’s going to be a harder row to hoe. But the choice is ours. We may need to get help from others, lots of it,but the decision to do that has to start with a desire to be happy. Being happy can begin with consciously and deliberately making the choice to follow that path.
I have to tell you that last week,  building up to this challenge was so rough. I totally adopted the “fake it ‘til you make it” mantra. I was soooooo NOT feeling it. If I hadn’t been promoting the Community Challenge so very publicly on every form of social media available to me, and people weren’t enthusiastic and counting on it, I would have told myself to shove it Pollyanna, and taken to my bed with a package of Snickers eggs.  Many times over. I was feeling so tired, so low, so over it before it even started. I wanted nothing to do with it.
But Monday came, as Monday’s are won’t to do. And people were on board and so I had to be too, and so I went through the motions and did what I said I would do.
And amazingly enough, I am happier already. So much happier.
Following a few very simple and basic goals has drastically improved my quality of life in less than a week. The difference in my energy level is absurd, the sense of peace in our home has increased dramatically. My kids are nicer to each other, nicer to me. The effects of small changes have been unexpected and far reaching.
I was telling the people on the community challenge board that a couple of nights ago, one of my kids said, “mom you laugh differently lately, it’s weird”.  Aaron pointed out that I was just laughing more genuinely, more heartily and that was the difference. And it is so true, I am laughing more, much more. I am less stressed and irritable, I am struggling with depression less. The best part of this exchange was being able to say, “yes, you’re right,  I am laughing more, and it’s because I am happier”. When the kids asked me why I was happier, we were able to have a discussion on the choices I was actively making to make myself happier.   I think that’s a really powerful lesson for kids to learn. We may not be able to control every circumstance but we can make choices to improve our happiness, we can take very simple but very profound steps to improve our happiness. Discipline does lead to an increase in happiness and contentment. We all teach our kids these concepts, but they are often so abstract. This week mine have seen concrete, real proof that this stuff we blather on about is real.
Life is not perfect by any means and even though I am only in week ONE, I have not had one single day when I have achieved all of my goals perfectly, or even close to perfectly. But I have been living intentionally and because of that, I have gone to bed with a sense of satisfaction and peace each night.
The sense  that I CAN be who I want to be again is becoming more and more real.  Since my epiphany, I have felt more and more confident that this is true.  If you want to be the person you used to be or the person you’ve never been but want to be, you have to do the things that such a person would do. Whether you feel like it or not. The more you do those things, the more you will feel like doing them.  It’s very simple really. But we make it really complicated.
And this is where group support/pressure comes into play. Accountability, encouragement, just having a place to think out and verbalize what you want to change, and then figure out how you’re going to do it, has been the key to me making it happen this week. And I believe it will be the key to making it stick. I know I have a long way to go in feeling like I am the best me I can be,  but it has been a long time since I felt like I had it in me at all, and that feels good.
Do you want to join us? We are working on everything from healthy eating to budgeting to being a better parent.  It’s not to late to jump in! Send me an email: kirstyDOTsayerATgmailDOTcom and I’ll get you hooked up. If group scenes are not your bag, don’t feel intimidated. Not everyone chimes in on the board, some people email  or message me, at least one person is reporting in on her own blog but none of us are alone in it.

If you give a mom a glass of water….

She can put some essential oils in it
Which will make her feel healthier (and virtuous)  and more energized right away
She’ll like that feeling so she’ll make herself a healthy breakfast
Her baby will want to share the healthy breakfast
Which will make the mother really happy
Mom being happy makes baby happy
They’ll both be in a good mood
Which will give them lots of positive energy
Which they will use to do lots of housework

Which will make them both thirsty
Which will make them want to drink more  nutrient infused water
Which will make the mom need to go to the loo (often)
Which will keep her from sitting down too long and getting sidetracked
So she will do even more housework
And play with her baby in between
They will both be happy
And the house will be clean
Which will make everyone feel happier and more energetic
Which will inspire them to go for a run and walk the dog
Which will make them healthier
And happier
And more thirsty
Which will make them want to drink a glass of water.
………………………………………………………………..
Today before lunch I achieved more than I have in months! Well probably not months but it really feels that way. It’s so exciting.  And it really did all start with a glass of water. Have you had enough to drink today? If not, go pour yourself a big cool glass and reboot your day.
Drinking more water (and supplementing my diet with essential oils) is one of the goals I am working on with the Momedy Sketch Take Control Community Challenge.  If you want to join us, email me and I will hook you up.  People are working on everything from diet and exercise to taking control of their finances and weaning themselves of screen addictions.  Join us! Email me: kirstydotsayeratgmaildotcom,  I will hook you up!

Here to report in on February! Sir!

Yes I know it is March now (do you like my Spring-y new header by the way? It was made with photos I took last March! Isn’t that encouraging?!)
I’m all for leaving February in the past where it belongs, but! I resolved to check in about my resolutions each month.  I’ve added some concentrated effort to a few really important areas of my life now that we have started the Momedy Sketch Community Challenge but I’m (mostly) steadily working on a few things I would strive to do when I started this year. Let us review my 10 resolutions shall we?
1. A photo a day. Yes! (And often, many more ) So much fun! I love instagram! Follow me on instagram here. I find it a soothing ritual at the end of the day to pic a photo for my "sayer daily” hash-tag and I already love looking back on pics which trigger memories of  each day.
2.I have replaced reading from the Book of Mormon every day this month with some broader study. I teach the youth Sunday school class at church and we are following this program. I really like studying the gospel in themes this way. I think it makes sense and it’s working for me. Not sure if it is cheating to combine my lesson prep with my personal study though. I think I’m going to go back to adding at least a few verses of  Book of Mormon (chronological) study.
3. Check. I did have a nice Valentine’s dinner for some friends and family. And hopefully I will do more this month.
4.Fell of the wagon in a BIG way regarding meal planning this month but we are back in the saddle. So help me!  A friend posted something on our community challenge wall which I feel will solve the major issues to us coming unstuck. I am quite excited!
5. A total FAIL in this department. My house was mostly just gross all month. I found it most depressing.  In keeping with one of my Community Challenge goals, I’m recommitted to the Flylady this month.  It is here that I would like to add a small but powerful epiphany I had this week which will probably be a “no duh” everyone else who reads it.   I was lamenting to a friend, as I sat in my PJ’s in the squalor of my wrecked living room that I really missed the person I was before I had Ella. I was thin and fit and I had a really clean and organized house most of the time.  I baked bread! I volunteered in the community and did lots of fun things for and with my kids.  And then suddenly I got really really irritated with myself and this whiny, ridiculous refrain. I am STILL THE SAME PERSON. For GOSH SAKES. If I did before, I can do it again. The only thing stopping me is ME! Sure I have a few different circumstances now but they don’t change who I fundamentally am. They don’t change the fact that I have done things in the past, I have proven I can do them and I so can certainly do them again if I choose to. And I do.
This ridiculous mental BB/AB (before baby/after baby) block has got to go. The “baby” is almost 2 now. That excuse has expired. I need to get out of my own way.  I AM OVER IT.
Do you miss the person you used to be in any regard? Did you used to be more active? Eat more healthily? Be more spiritual? Serve other people more? Well then, do it again.  Don’t set yourself up for failure and disappointment by expecting yourself to be back to where you were overnight of course, but decide that you CAN, nothing is in your way but YOU- and get back track. You know you can BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEFORE!
6. Yes, I have several non-rubbishing books going on right now. So that’s nice.
7. NO!!! I am desperately errant in this! Desperately! I have written one or two in the last month but I have at least 10 more to write so I guess I will be playing catch up later tonight.
8. Due to some “school lunch borrowing” we are a “few” bucks short. Not terribly but I think it is clear that the “stash” will be moved out of a jar and into a bank account in the morning.
9. I have been actively working on this. Haha! Get it. I so punny. I’m feeling positive about it. Email me if you want awesome personal training at rock bottom (did it again!!!) prices.  Seriously, you will not regret (neither will your rock bottom).
10. I’m a freaking rock star at this one. Go me!
Do you want to know about my other goals? Join us!  It’s never too late. We are having a great time and making things happen. Email me: kirstydotsayeratgmaildotcom and I will hook you up.

A Saturday Pep Talk

What are you going to do to make the world awesome, today?
Thanks Amanda!


Have you joined yet? If not send me an email: kirstydotsayeratgmaildotcom
and I will hook you up. We are making things (awesome) happen!

"If you don't know where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere else." Lewis Carroll

Happy March m’peeps! I am so excited. ‘Tis the month that (technically) brings Spring. Which is universally understood to be a time of rebirth and refreshment. It’s a perfect time to reevaluate life, toss out the junk, reorganize and shine things up. Sometimes I think God gave us Winter so that we could appreciate the rejuvenating effects of Spring, so that we would have yet another shot at a fresh start, a new beginning.  New beginnings feel good.
The Momedy Sketch Take Control Community Challenge starts TODAY. I have set up a private facebook page for us to chat on and support each other. If you have not received an invitation for that please email me immediately and I’ll remedy it. If you don’t want to be on facebook, I understand, but I recommend that you do register under an alias if necessary and just friend me in order to take part in this challenge. It’s the easiest way for most of us to communicate. Let me know if you have issues.
This last week of the challenge has been about preparing. It has been about thinking about where we want to be going. Life is finite. Kids grow (so terrifyingly fast), opportunities change, bodies age. If we are sitting around being acted upon rather than acting, we might find out that the “somewhere else” that we reach is not somewhere we want to be.  That’s when life feels out of control. Because it is.
Now before I go further I want to say that although I use it a lot, I’m vaguely uncomfortable with the word “control” here.  Because so much of our lives are completely out of our control. The older I get the more I know this, and the more realize that there is a lot to be said for being flexible and spontaneous and open to unexpected changes and challenges. I believe in God rather than fate, and I do believe He has a plan for me, and sometimes that plan is very much out of synch with what I thought would be a good idea for me.  I’ve learned that it’s best to go His way, and although I’m still pretty bad at letting that happen without having a big fat tanny about it, (EVERY. SINGLE. TIME) I have a growing testimony in the fact that surrendering to His way is best.
The point I’m trying to make is when you are an active participant in your life, changes can be fun and exhilarating and rewarding or at least doable. But when we are not in control of our own habits, and appetites, we will feel more like a victim when things don’t go as planned. Because we already feel like we are sitting in the backseat of our life, any more changes will inevitably be overwhelming and unwelcome. I want to get back into the front seat. Life is way more fun there.
Join us? Email me: kirsty Dot sayer AT gmail dot com  if you want in.

Late bloomer

I have been thinking lately about how I am what could be euphemistically termed as a “late bloomer.’  I know this probably sounds laughable to someone who knows I was married at age 19 and had my first of 5 kids at aged 22 but I’ve always felt like I was never quite on track in terms of gaining skills that other people had, on figuring out life.
Last night I was running with my husband on an inside track and as we jogged along I was musing about how we used to do this every dark early morning when Aaron and I were dating in college and how it felt pretty much the same. I wondered what my 19 year old self would think of my self today. I thought she’d probably wonder why I had not grown up yet.  I certainly have all the accoutrements of an adult.
But I’ve always felt this way, on the brink of being what I was supposed to be, but not quite there yet. And always a little bit behind of everyone else. Even though I always felt older  than my peers as a child, I never felt as “on top of things” as they were. Maybe because I wasn’t?
Case in point, I think I was well over 8 before I learned to ride a bike. I remember feeling super lame about that.That’s why I’m seriously considering getting one of these kids balance bikes for toddlers for Ella’s birthday in a few weeks.  I hear they are the best thing for figuring out how to ride a bike. She’s going to be a pro before she’s three. Not that I’m living vicariously through my kids or overcompensating or anything.

Here’s a few more things since we are on the topic of my inadequacies regarding transportation:
I was about 21 when I got my drivers license (which is late even for a South African, who can get their drivers license when they are 18)
I was about 32 before I pumped gas for the first time
I still do not drive on the highway. I am terrified of merging (and I can’t see a way around getting over this phobia without risking people’s lives).
I will avoid parallel parking at all costs.
There’s tons of other stuff that I feel like functional capable grown ups do that I don’t do. Probably because I have a hyper-functional and extremely accommodating/willing/doting sweet husband, I’ve never had to. I probably could and would if I had to, but because I don’t have to,  I don’t. Since I am very very solidly into my 30’s (ok fine, I’m on my way to my 40’s,) this sometimes makes me feel bad about myself. I often feel a sense of inadequacy and lack of “belonging” that I can’t quite put my finger on.  I recently had a conversation with a friend which revealed that I have actually never felt a sense of belonging. I have always had a sense of being an outsider in some way or another and I think it largely stems from a sense of shame or inadequacy of some sort…and so a vicious cycle is set up.
I am reading a book recommended and loaned to me by my dear friend Deborah. It’s called “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” . It’s by a woman who has studied and researched the topics of fear and shame, and I found this thought provoking:

“if we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that get in the way-especially shame, fear and vulnerability "

But here’s thing, we are instinctively silent about shame.  Being vulnerable doesn’t feel good, at least not to me. But feeling shame feels worse. I do believe that honesty is at the root of good things and I want to get rid of things that get in the way.
Our  Momedy Sketch Take Control Community Challenge starts March 1st. We are going to face the things that get in the way. Are you ready?  Check out this post to see how we are preparing this week.



*This was a sponsored post. While I am offered many opportunities to write sponsored posts, I will only accept those that I feel are a good fit for my readers and I can sincerely and genuinely endorse. All comments and opinions are strictly my own. I will always tell you when a post is sponsored.

Momedy Sketch Community Challenge: Stage 1: 10 Things To Do This Week.

So I am going to put off the active start of this challenge for another week. Friday March 1st just seems like a good time. Partly because I’m just that way. I like to kick things off with a new month and partly because I want to give more people a chance to get on board, (tell your friends, tell your spouse) but mostly because I want you to have time to gather yourselves, get in the right place mentally, figure out what exactly you want and why and gather your tools and resources.
So really, we haven’t put off anything. In fact I am starting my HCG diet today,  and you may be starting whatever it is you are working on today too. That’s fine. That’s GREAT in fact. Carry on!
We are now in Phase 1: Prep Phase.
This means that along with anything else we may be doing we’re using the next few days for reflection and preparation.  This part is fun. This part is also SO important.

1. Get yourself a pretty journal. You’re going to be looking at it a lot. If journals are too “tucked away” or old school or whatever for you and you tend to forget about them, get a piece of poster board, or a big white board or something or make this prominent on your tablet or smart phone. This needs to be something you can look at and add to/edit every day and it should be appealing to look at and work with.
2. Identify one very specific aspect of your life (or more if you like) that you would like to get back control of. But keep it real and doable. Don’t do more than 2-3 things and try to keep them related. We are going to be going at this thing like we mean it. It’s going to take a lot of focus on energy, we don’t want to spread too thin or burn out.
3. Take a few quiet moments to visualize getting control of it, to believe that it is possible and it is what you deserve and what you were made for, visualize what that will mean, and how that will feel, how your life will look when you have taken control.
4. Make a list of (at least) 5 positive ways your life will change once you gain control over it.
5. Identify and write down (at least) 5 very specific things that are going to be necessary to make the taking back control challenge a success for you.
6. Identify and make a list of your hang-ups regarding making this happen. I.E: What do you feel like has been “blocking” you all this time?
7. Make a list of the resources you have available to you to help make this happen
8. Make a list of the resources you do not (yet) have at your disposal.
9. Start figuring out how to get those resources. You don’t have to solve all of these issues but you do need to start going into problem solving mode, brainstorming, thinking outside of the box, asking for help, researching what you need.
10. Start formulating a game plan. The more specific the better. Plan down to the tiniest detail. Cover contingencies, imagine yourself at your lowest, busiest, most tired, most stressed. Figure out what you are going to do to have a successful day despite any or all of these issues.

As a community we are going to offer each other:

• support and accountability.
• good, solid and helpful information
• encouragement (pep talks, tough love )
• incentives (prizes!!).

We will have a private facebook page so that we can get together and make these things happen.  There is still time to get on board, or to get your friend on board. Please send me an email: kirsty.sayer@gmail.com  ASAP so I can help you with the prep phase and make sure you get all the info you need to get started with us.
  (Title it:  “Taking Back Control”).   I will hook you up.
Ok…what are you waiting for…let’s go!

Dear Friends! I wish to clear up some stuff today. Indulge me?

So. After my taking back control post I had an email from an awesome friend who always makes me think (and is not afraid to tell me what I don’t want to hear.) This friend challenged me a bit on the idea of body consciousness and whether perhaps the preoccupation with such  was, in fact, what made us “acted upon” rather than “free to act”.
And to that I must answer yes. When we are obsessed with our body image, with our weight, our appearance or even with our physical health we are not free. We are enslaved. That too is a trap. And it’s one which affects most of us at some point or another to some extent. This obsession can have devastating consequences and destroys many individuals and families. It is a scourge and epidemic to our society.   A preoccupation with physical appearance or any aspect of the physical experience really, is a barrier to our eternal progression. An obsession with anything enslaves us to that thing and takes away some of our freedom.  I have had personal experience with this enslavement and it is a dark and terrifying thing.
And so I feel that I must clarify my intentions with regard to the upcoming Momedy Sketch Community Challenge (which I am profoundly excited about) and with regards to my chosen career in personal training in general.  Please understand I am in no way on the defensive here, I’m not clarifying because I felt attacked or judged by this line of questioning, but I do think it is a terribly valid concern, and that it is important that we all work through these motivations in our minds before we get started.
Here’s the thing. I love helping people. I think we all do. It’s wired within us to want to uplift and help people to be their best selves. My passion in my work as a personal trainer and  in my work as a birth doula for that matter, has nothing to do with my desire to create a “perfect body” for my clients, or to allow them to have a “perfect birth”. Mostly because those things don’t exist. There is no such thing as a perfect body. What may appear to be “perfect” in the eyes of one person in our culture may well appear perfectly unappealing (or even revolting) to another. There is no such thing as a universally “perfect birth”.  In fact the birth ideal varies wildly from individual to individual. A healthy body is more quantifiable and less subjective, but even that is at times, a factor which is out of our control and thus it is not as relevant to me as the idea of helping people to find joy through empowerment.  Of helping people, wherever they may be in their journey,  to get a sense of what they are capable of.
Just as we are wired to want to help others, we were all wired to be powerful. None of us was created to be small or frightened or insecure. None of us was created with the intention that we would feel blocked, trapped or powerless to progress and discover how spectacular our true identity is. Not one of us was created to feel less than, inadequate or falling short of our potential. 
We have a divine nature with a divine destiny and anything that takes away our feelings of capability, our feelings of empowerment in achieving that destiny, or our ability to tap into our best selves (which we all sense, or at one time have sensed is something spectacular,) is a trap.
As a trainer I focus a lot on the concept of the spirit being infinitely more powerful than the body and tapping into that power. When our bodies and appetites are in charge of us, when we sense that they are driving the bus and leading us to feel sluggish, insecure and unhealthy we feel anything but empowered. 
This does not mean that we need to have a perfect looking or even a perfectly healthy body to feel empowered, but we do need to be driving the bus when it comes to our appetites and our habits. When our bodies are in the drivers seat, our spirits have to by default sit in the passenger seat, or even the backseat.  And to be honest, our bodies are really, really terrible drivers. They function purely on instinct. Without a spirit governing and guiding them they degenerate to a shell of pleasure seeking drives. With a spirit in the drivers seat our bodies can do marvelous things, they can help us to feel true joy rather than very, very short lived pleasure.  Our bodies under the control of a strong spirit are a marvelous and amazing gift. When we abdicate control over them, we show a lack of regard for that gift and we don’t even begin to tap into the potential of it.
I find that it there is a delicate balance (which must constantly be assessed) between taking control of one’s body and becoming obsessed with it (thus becoming enslaved to our bodies in a different yet equally damaging way).  I also find that when I am in healthy and balanced control of my body, I tend to be in control of the rest of my life. I feel confident and capable, I feel brave, I feel energetic. I am far more inclined to reach out to others, to forget myself and help where I am needed.  And that’s what I want to get back to.  There are so many areas in my life where I have not been living up to my potential recently. And there is really nothing that stifles my joy more than to know that I am existing rather than living with intention and actively progressing.  I would be so bold as to venture that the same is true for anyone if they really think about it. When we are out of synch with our true selves (which are divine and have infinite and spectacular potential) we cannot be truly happy.
And so I feel that it is a mission and even a  ministry for me to help other people to find empowerment through getting control of their bodies, through discovering what their bodies can do when their strong spirits are driving the bus.
I find great joy in what I do. I want to help you to find great joy too. Early last Saturday on a frigid February morning, a client of mine who started working with me at the beginning of this year, ran a race. When we joined forces less than 2 months ago, she was very afraid for her health. I was very afraid for her health.
Her body had been so kind as to give her a wake up call and a warning and she had heeded it. She was motivated by her love for her family to make changes and she was determined in making them. In the last couple of months she has worked really hard to achieve her first goal-of running that race. And she achieved it.  She knocked 2.5 mins off of her mile time in the last 6 weeks. She showed herself that she could do it. When I asked her yesterday if I could write about her experience, she started by saying that she was a bit shy about it because it was not a big deal, but then she kept talking (it was voice mail so I was not prompting her) and she said, “actually I am really proud of me too…it would have been easier for me to just stay home. ….there were a lot of people NOT doing it who were in a heck of a lot better shape than I am. And so yes, I am proud that I did it! And now I want to set my sights on something further because I know I can do it”.
I got a bit teary when I heard that. A little bit verklempt now, still.  Because that’s what it is about for me. I just want people to feel proud of themselves. I want people to know how awesome they really are. I want people to feel good. I want them to know that they can do it. And then do something even bigger.
That’s what I want for all of you. That’s what this challenge is all about about. It is not confined to fitness and weight loss.  It’s about breaking free from what is holding us back. Whether you are overweight or underweight or of a healthy weight, I want you to know that you can do stuff. You can do hard stuff.  You can do the stuff you were created to do. The stuff you suspect you can do, dream of doing, have sensed you should be doing and have maybe stuffed down deep inside of you, because you were afraid of failing in the attempt.  Whether it is running a race, or losing weight,  or starting a business or being a better parent. Whether it is being more organized, or writing a book or going back to college or starting a new career, or inventing something or….. anything that your soul has been nagging you about….
I want you to know you CAN do these things, and I want 2013 to be the year that we all go after them.
I want this to be the year that we stop being scared of our potential, that we embrace and welcome failure along the way, that we shake ourselves free of feeling BLOCKED. We were not created to be blocked.  We were not created to be acted upon. We were created to act.
Let’s do this.
The Momedy Sketch Community Take Back Control Challenge starts this Monday 2/25/13. 

If you want in, just shoot a super quick email to kirsty.sayer@gmail.com  with the title “Taking Back Control”. That’s it! I’ll take care of the rest.

I’m really excited.  It’s going to be good.